It took me a long time to truely let go, but when I finally did it, it was so liberating. Holding on to him kept me stuck where I was. Letting go of him and honestly accepting that he had a right to chose who he wanted to be with, and he had a right to chose not to be with me was the best thing that ever happened, because it allowed me to forgive him.
It was kind of like, when I was holding out, hoping, wishing and praying that he'd come back to the marriage I was screaming at him with every part of my energy "I don't care what you want. You have to come back to me because we are married" and what he took from that was "I don't care what you want."
When I let go, it gave me the space to figure out what I wanted. I want love and happiness in my life. I was clinging on to some remembered ideal of our marriage as that place of love and happiness, but it meant I had been living with pain and unhappiness for the intervening 12 months or so. Letting go allowed me the capacity to revaluate what I had to do to get what I want.
I forgave him and I completed my grieving. You know stuff happens. Letting go gave me the courage to accept that stuff happens and get on with my life.
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How did you treat your H during the 2 1/2 years apart when you did see him or talk with him or was their no contact?
For the first 12 months I saw him and talked to him a lot because his boys were living with me. For the next 6 months we talked once a week or so, finalising the financial settlement and just out of habit I guess.
After he got married, I didn't want to talk to him at all. He still called once a month or so.
I really DBed hard right up until he got married, so contact was all by the DB rules. I backslid from time to time, but I usually kept it together.
Thanks KtF7. I think you will find a lot of peace in your situation when you can detach from your H. You could/should also try to detach from his OW. I worry that you spend too much time being angry at her. She's not worth it.
Good luck, keep at it.
V
Never make someone a priority, who makes you an option.
