My son and I have been planning a weekend get-away for Father's Day for a few weeks. Knowing that my ex attempts to arrange at least one weekend a month to see our son, I invited her to join us. The two birds with one stone philosophy. It gives me an opportunity as well to see if we are progressing any.
I warned her it was a single room with two beds. She responded, "that's ok with me, we have been together over 13 years." I sent her directions today and what she should bring to wear but that is all she knows. She said she found the mystery of the trip exciting and was looking forward to the "adventure".
I have continued the 180s that I couldn't really do when trying to save the marriage. I have been flirtatious, flattering, etc....just little pieces here and there to prevent being overbearing. It seems to be having a positive effect.
Good work Jet!!! Any updates? Keep working on yourself and let her worry about herself. You will be fine no matter what! It sure sounds like the changes you made struck a chord in her, and was a great thing for you personaly as well!
The only noticable difference in my ex's behavior since her visit Memorial Day is she sends me an email almost everyday to say hi or wish me a good day.
She also has been calling about twice a week to chat and see what I have been doing. I will update on the weekend developments when I return.
The weekend was good. The only item worthy of reporting was on Saturday evening. We all had gotten dressed for dinner when I realized that I had not even bothered to use my camera once all day. I took a couple of pictures of the ex and our son. She took a couple of pictures of me and our son then I gave the camera to him and asked him to take a picture of us. I put my arm around her waste and he snapped a couple. When we were looking back through them, the smiles were big all around except in the picture of us. She looked as if she saw a ghost. I made a joke about it and moved on.
When we were leaving on Sunday, the customary hug goodbye but no peck on the lips this time. About 2 hours later, she phoned to check on us and said she had a good time. She said she didn't want me to think she didn't. This was probably from the joke about the picture. She then said...."Personally".....I braced for the worst thinking here comes something bad....."I think we need to take a trip alone, if that is something you would be interested in." I responded that it sounds good and we could discuss the details later.
As for judging the weekend. There aren't any physical signs of interest on her part such as touching, flirty, complimentary, etc......When apart there are the daily emails, text messages, or phone calls......so we shall see.
Update on trip: She then said...."Personally".....I braced for the worst thinking here comes something bad....."I think we need to take a trip alone, if that is something you would be interested in."
As for judging the weekend. There aren't any physical signs of interest on her part such as touching, flirty, complimentary, etc......When apart there are the daily emails, text messages, or phone calls......so we shall see.Jet
Hey Jet, you are a good man,
What I've quoted above, LOL, that's a classic case of not seeing the wood from the trees. LOL
She suggested that you take a trip alone? Man, pack the lube and the sex toys. You're going to be riding high.
Then again, you are looking to read between the lines frantically searching for baby steps.
Could it be possible Jet, that the vibes from seeing the pic was all in your mind? I can sort of relate to that moment. Maybe you were the cause of the discomfort that was felt?
Man, you are doing fine. If you could just kick back, continue being the great person that you are, as a daily ritual, recite the things that you are grateful for, don't stress over the will she/won't she....everything is going to fall into place.
If you feel inclined, get yourself a copy of "The Way Of the Superior Man" by David Deida. I think you could benefit from it. You're coming across as a little insecure and a confidence boost is what I suspect the doctor would order.
God Bless Suit:)
P.S. If she does a backflip on the trip (which is likely/possible for a WA) or postpones it, don't let it get you down. The seeds been planted. It's just a matter of time.
Last edited by SuitedUp; 06/22/0712:44 AM.
"It's better to have no spouse than have a bad spouse"
Great observations Suited. I have always struggled with insecurities and it was a contributor to some of my marriage issues. The ex probably wasn't aware of them because I compensated for it in ways that made me a lump on a log in her eyes.
During our weekend visit, the ex was sharing how disappointing it was that she wouldn't be able to have our son for a week over the summer. June and July are off limits for vacations because of her work requirements. I suggested that she take the first week of August off and spend the time with our son at my home. This would allow her to attend school orientation and meet his next teacher. The other days could be spent doing whatever they desired....either staying active around here or taking a few days to go someplace else. She liked the idea and emailed me Monday confirming that she requested that time off and it was approved.
I emailed back that perhaps the first weekend of her stay could be "our" weekend trip. She replied that sounded good. I ask if she had any particular interests or ideas and if not, I would make the selection and surprise her. I ended by sharing something about our son. Her reply ignored the trip question altogether and shifted to our son.
The ex called me tonight to say that she had completely forgotten about a wedding shower that she had agreed to host at her home on that particular Saturday. She apologized and said she wouldn't be able to make the drive until that Sunday. I assured her that was fine and that other weekends would be available. I suggested that I could get a sitter that evening or arrange a sleepover for our son and we could go out for dinner. Her voice sounded cheery when she said, "yes lets do that."
My cautious optimism comes from the two times she has mentioned putting the family together but never acted on it. Each time she would say after further review, the play stands as called in the court.
As for the photo, big smiles all around in the photos with our son taken immediately before. Perhaps requesting our photo to be taken together caught her by surprise and created some discomfort. It's obvious she isn't ready for even the slightest bit of affection at this point. That is the hardest part because my mind has the car battery and jumper cables hooked up to those toys you mentioned. :-)
Your stitch continues to be interesting. You seem to be doing fine on the DB stuff. Don't sweat the physical stuff - they need to fall again emotionally before recommiting to the physical side. Men are just the opposite. My xW just turned the physical switch off early - helped her detach I think.
Your biggest hurdle is to regain that *attraction*. I read that attraction is not a choice - either it is there or not. From her actions I think she is rediscovering that attraction and that scares her - thus she is "hot and cold".
