I haven't just journaled(is that a really a word?) in some time. Thinking about everything over the last month, things we've done and said to one another, things that have happened, attitudes, feelings and how much ground we've covered. I think of all the feelings that have crossed my heart and mind. What has crossed her heart and her mind?
I sit and think about what I'll do next and think about her, about us. All I want to do right now is write, write her a love letter. A letter like I would do so often in years past. A letter that all my deepest feelings, poured my heart out to her and professing my love to her. I have written so many over the years, letters, notes, poems. How I have loved writing each and every one of them. I sit here thinking what she's done with them all and how she rarely ever acknowledged them. Yet she's kept every one of them in her journal. She's so reserved all too often, such deep and strong feelings why has she kept so much from me? Will she ever truly let those feeling free? I can only hope.
If we really want to love, we must learn how to forgive. - Mother Theresa
OK I am such a sucker. I have a good, dear friend tell me that I just had to see the movie "The Holiday". So I went and bought it based on such a glowing recommendation. Great, just what I need a romantic comedy, actually I love them, Love Actually is one of my favorite movies.
So what's the big deal about this movie, The Holiday? Well first, we just moved back from England in December. It is a place we both miss greatly, I do miss it something fierce, and I am such a fierce southerner too. Why, well for one the beautiful, no stunning countryside in southern England. No matter what you hear or think based on it, Surrey is a beautiful place. To be honest, southern England is a beautiful place with wonderful rolling hills and fields, a stunning place. I often wonder what it was like back in the 40's during WW II before modern technology caught up with it.(FYI there is a Pennsylvania in the UK. It's a real village and it's just a little backwater crossroads, maybe a dozen houses amongst the stunning rolling hills compared to such a huge state here.) Second England is the place I fell completely and madly in love with my wife all over again. The greatest weekend of my life, the two best days of my life were back in '05 on my 40th birthday. Actually we spent that weekend in France but no matter. I fell back, deeply in love with my wife while we lived in England.
So that leaves us back to the movie. Partially based in Surrey, no it's not snowy like that, I can only think of the wonderful memories of our time there. Even though I spent the entire time trying to get her to fall back in love with me, I truly loved every minute of it. Yes the saying "it's better to have loved and lost it then to have never loved" is so true. Yes I love her madly and deeply and I love England as much as I love being a southerner. I look forward to the day we can return to England.
You know what she said to me the other day, she wishes we, yes we, could live in both places. Yes, we both love England and love NC and yearn for the love that seems lost yet is only misplaced.
Last edited by catfan; 06/15/0703:49 AM.
If we really want to love, we must learn how to forgive. - Mother Theresa
Dude I only wish we could go an extended time with absolutely zero contact. Unfortunately we have kids involved. Now for my own sanity I have to do just that, give her as much space as possible.
If we really want to love, we must learn how to forgive. - Mother Theresa
CF, it's brutally hard. But space is key for some reason. I guess they need to miss us, I guess they need to be able to think without us there. I don't get it, I do better when she's here, but she does better when I'm not????
I don't understand it, but I'm trying. we'll make it one of these days. Somehow, time is on our side...
We can talk ourselves into defeat or we can talk ourselves into victory - we are creatures of our thinking.
3/31/07 - Hit with a brick, leaving the dent there...
CF, it's brutally hard. But space is key for some reason. I guess they need to miss us, I guess they need to be able to think without us there. I don't get it, I do better when she's here, but she does better when I'm not????
I don't understand it, but I'm trying. we'll make it one of these days. Somehow, time is on our side...
I still have a problem understanding how this works, the longer I am away the easier I think it would be to forget me. Not arguing that it doesn't work, just confusing logic.
M 41 W 33 S8 S17 Bomb 3/11/07 S 3/28/07 New beginning? 8/31/07
CF, it's brutally hard. But space is key for some reason. I guess they need to miss us, I guess they need to be able to think without us there. I don't get it, I do better when she's here, but she does better when I'm not????
I don't understand it, but I'm trying. we'll make it one of these days. Somehow, time is on our side...
I still have a problem understanding how this works, the longer I am away the easier I think it would be to forget me. Not arguing that it doesn't work, just confusing logic.
I don't get it either, but Amy was very right about one thing, if I'd been able to be with my wife at all during that first few weeks after the PO, I'd be D'd already. When things pile up to the point that they don't know what to do other than D, getting some space and time to think helps them somehow. I don't get it, I'm just forced to do it, and it seems to be OK for some reason. My W is thinking about giving our family another chance, so that's a positive. Better than, "I just want to sign and get this over with."
And you're nowhere near that place, your W really just needs some time to process her feelings it seems like.
We can talk ourselves into defeat or we can talk ourselves into victory - we are creatures of our thinking.
3/31/07 - Hit with a brick, leaving the dent there...
So I am just a gluten for punishment tonight. I put in Breakfast at Tiffany's in the DVD player after The Holiday. I do not believe there has been or ever will be an actress of such beauty, grace and intelligence as Audrey Hepburn.
If we really want to love, we must learn how to forgive. - Mother Theresa
