PS COG~ H actually did not say I was a N**pho,, he said an ugly sentence, which was worse tahn that word.

AND I would rather not repeat AGAIN

and so I posted "oh so what now I am a N**pho?" CAUSE IT CAME TO MY MIND AND IT WAS IN ESSENCE WHAT HE WAS SAYING!!!!!
It was absurd for him to say that I think sex fixes things or b/c I have once again found myself for him to throw this in my face. Are you kidding me? My sexuality is what he has been nagging me @ for years that I used to be so sensual and what happened!!!!!!! I think I SCARE him is what it is~

Oh well, he will have to bend and twist and GROW cause I am me and I will continue to grow and I aint going back to being locked up inside myself...H*LL NO~
I did adress his BS and that it is unecessary for him to talk to me this way.... and geez from what he said while I was ML to him ....seems he was in HEAVEN actually. READY TO MELT, like and ice cream cone on a HOOOOOOOOT summer day! And yes it feels d*mn good to have this power of MY femininity BACK. God made me a Woman and it is time I enjoyed it for all it is worth. I am a work in progress and now I see the Tattoo and think "SHE AINT GOT NOTHING ON ME, SURE SHE WAS 12 YEARS YOUNGER THAN ME BUT MY SCARS MY EXTRA LBS AND CURVES AND MY SPIRIT MAKE ME THE BEAUTIFUL WOMAN I AM , THERE AINT NO OTHER ALICIA LIKE ME AND NO ONE ABSOLUTLEY NO ONE ESPECIALLY NOT GARBAGE CAN TAKE THAT FROM ME!"
Women have soooooooooooooooooooooo much unharnessed power it is ridiculous how I let it go to waste for far toooooooo, toooooooooooooooo long!

So he was just talking S*** ,But yeah thanks for the reminder ACTUALLY, he will be home this weekend and I will say something. HE likes to talk "MACHO" when he gets the chance,,, I hate it actually and then when he is in my hands he melts.. Yep this new me while he enjoys it scares him for sure now that I think @ it more!
When he took me to the jobsite my last day with him,, I had on a pretty shirt and jacket and a very feminine skirt on very ladylike and some heels ( classy of course!!) I guess they were staring at me ( I honestly never noticed!) and he walked up to me near his truck and said "THOSE GUYS ( HOMEOWNER AND SALES REP)ARE SUPPOSED TO WATCHING THE JOB NOT YOU!!!!" ( IN A FRUSTRATED/pouting VOICE ;\) ) I JUST SMILED AT HIM AND KISSED HIS LIPS.. and said " oh honey, I am all yours..." That was a huge 180 for me the old me would have apologized... not anymore~

Thanks COG for being proud of me and all the compliments your words have touched me and my hard work to change all this in me have reaped benefits for not just my H but for myself and my kids,, he gets stronger when I love him like this and love me too.
You have helped me more than you will ever know,, the sky is the limit and I can tell that he wants to keep up with all this growth,,, I love it....
Yeah he hit a road block and I hit it with him and then I realized I just need to get even better at this and stronger and he can come wtih me all the days of my life or I can grow alone and he will miss all the beauty that we have as a couple. Remember I told him this... You can lie to yourself but not to your heart... We are good together.
If people saw M as a blessing instead of "OMG I am shackled to this" WOW what this world would be like... JUST AMAZINGLY BEAUTIFUL!
I DARE SAY,, he will have to grow one way or another,, as the days go by I am firmer in my belief that to his core he loves me and he loves me even more than he cares to let on sometimes,, so he will grow wether he means to or not. I have waited 10 years for this and when I stopped waiting and took the risk this beauty in me unfolded ....and he is stronger b/c of me!
GOD BLESS...