Oh, I'm not saying don't meet guys, go on dates or have fun for the next five years (especially that 50% of the time you don't have the kids!!!!). I'm just recommending that you hold off on having some guy move in, or different boyfriends around the kids all the time, or getting married immediately. I've seen too many kids in this situation (men coming and going... not that this is planned, but in the early stages of a relationship they always seem like "the right one") and I think it's really destructive to the kids.
Would you be pleased seeing your daughter living that type of lifestyle? If you wouldn't want it for your daughter, why would you want it for youself? Anyhow, sorry to be such a pain on this, but I'm a teacher so I often see it from the kid's perspective. Also, with your ex having more children with OW, well.... chances are that the 50% of the time they spend with their dad isn't the greatest? Or am I wrong? I sure hope so....
Anyhow, think very carefully if you do become seriously involved with someone again and consider marriage. Third marriages have a MUCH higher divorce rate (something insanely high), and teenagers, even half the time, aren't going to help.
Sorry to be so negative! (Or bossy!!!!)
Okay, onto the current situation.... with your husband's stuff. I'd box it up and very nicely ask him what he wanted to do with it. If there's not too much I'd offer to drop it off, or ask him when he'd like to pick it up. I packed up my husband's things when he moved and even added things I thought he might need, or mutually owned things I thought he might like. I also added in all the photos in my cupboard that had him in them.
For the birthday, and anniversary... I'd send a light, humorous card (nothing romantic since that would seem like pursuit), and then maybe a gift. I gave my husband gifts during the divorce, but was very careful. Nothing expensive or extravagant, maybe even something useful thing for his apartment or where ever he's living.... inexpensive small appliance. (Something he might use and think about you!) You could even drop off a plate of cookies and write something like... "The kids and I happend to make cookies and there's waaay more than we can finish off... so we thought you might enjoy some! Take care" and just add a little smiley underneath. No "love" or anything mushy.
There is no arriving, ever. It is all a continual becoming.
