Thanks for your insight. Of course my H is still in love with this woman and saying he will marry her. I think this is because to do otherwise would be an admission that he made a mistake. however, all of our friends and his own family think he is nuts.. they have all met the girl friend and everyone is predicting that if he does marry her.. that they will break up (she is actually 10 years older than he and she is already twice divorced herself with two teen daughters).. they are a recipe for a future divorce as they have so many sources of conflict between them.. they will have the blended family conflicts, the age differences, her kids are teens, mine are 6 and 4, H is asaian and she is caucasion...it is a recipe for disaster... and H, even before he decided he was in love with her, had had other adulterous relationships.. so, I believe that given time it will happen again because he has not looked internally to himself to determine what has caused this.. to him it was a simple case of he was with the wrong woman (we were together since 1982).. if he were with the right woman afterall he wouldn't be tempted. (He says he knows he did something wrong.. but then he can not quite accept the responsibility.. I find it sometimes ironic to listen to him on the subject). Anyway.. I appreciate the insight... I would suggest that your wife is in deep pain right now... she put herself out on a limb in taking you back the first time and the fact that she did.. when many woman wouldn't reflects her level of committment to your marriage. May I suggest that you both get into individual therapy.. I would make sure that it is a pro marriage type of person first...your wife does need to work through her pain.. and you need to work through what is causing you to risk everything for temporary gratification... and by the way.. that is probably a big source of your wife's anger... I know I just did not understand why my h was willing to disrupt.. or risk disrupting our lives and that of our children for another woman.. I mean where does the simple concept of loyalty come in.. shoot, maybe i can take care of myself.. but he risked the kids stability too.. nothing makes a woman madder than if her children's stability is disrupted! And let me tell you separation and divorce will totally change the direction of their lives.. you and your wife will hopefully work out a good arrangement and work together on kid issues.. but do not count on it.. with separation comes the freedom to stick to your guns on issues that previously either one of you might have been more accomodating on.. afterall why should i accomodate your opinion anymore.. you are no longer my H? Those types of conflicts will increas... you will each be listening more and more to others for advise instead of relying on each other for parenting advise and decisions and that will just lead to more conflict.. it will not be easy! In any event.. it does sound like you realize the enormity of the consequences and I think that you need to back up a little.. allow her time to grieve and be angry.. she is entitled.. work on yourself.. encourage her to do the same and you may both grow in a positive way from this experience....
