Hi Cat, thanks for replying so quickly, really appreciate it.
Yeah I think you're right on the not contacting her I'm not likely to get the truth either way - if she was still seeing him she'd lie for him and if she'd been hurt by him she'd possibly lie and if she's just invented it all in her head like H wants me to believe she'd lie. It seems I am not going to be able to find peace over this I fear. I do know myself well enough to know that I will need to be 100% satisfied that I believe him or there will be no point continuing. I really don't know what to do. I've ran it past his sister (she helped me a lot when we were separated and I know I can trust her with it). She doesn't see how there can have been nothing said about her feelings prior to the letter either. She too thinks H needs to step up with some serious explaining and answers at the very least. She did make one good point though that has made me think. Her H bumped into the guy my H was staying with during our separation and outright asked him if my H was seeing this W. His friend shrugged his shoulders and said he didn't know but that he hoped not because she was a right psycho. So if this is true and she is a bit la la then maybe she's sent it hoping I would open it and split us up so she could get her claws on him. Because really for all she knew I could have ended up opening it...maybe that is what she hoped for. The fact that since then she has found out my mobile number from a sales advert in the newspaper so she could text me kind of makes me think she is a bit la la.
I agree with you too about contact needing to be cut off completely. Trouble is how would I know anyway?? They already do now work in separate departments and he says he hardly ever bumps into her but does sometimes and says he just gets joke texts from her now. I could insist on itemised billing so I knew but we all know there are ways around that too.
I hear you on the anger and needing them to beg for forgiveness. I think I need to re read some of the book and remind myself of this part.
As for the child issue, I know we're not in the right place at the moment and yes we did always say we wanted 2 children. Trouble is we were told it would be highly unlikely I could have any and our S is a complete miracle put down to the fact that I still had drugs in me from our failed IVF attempt the previous month. So time is kind of running out to have another child and we would probably have to pay for IVF to even have a chance of one. H doesn't even want to save up to have one when we are back on an even keal because he says he's not bothered about having another one now because he thought we couldn't have any so he is now just grateful to have one. I on the other hand, being female and having those maternal hormones going on ache to the bone when I see someone pregnant or with a baby because I long for that experience again and long to have another wonderful child to care for.
Thanks again for your post. I still feel in turmoil and have pretty much talked it out all day with his sister. She can see why I am struggling to believe what he says. she asked him outright when we were separated if he was seeing her and he said no and she doesn't think he'd lie to her but the things in the letter can't have come out of the blue. I am so devastated that after all my/our hard work to start again I am foiled at the last post with something I fear may be too huge for me to get over or deal with. H is already sulking about the fact I'm not putting kisses on the end of my texts today... what does he expect?
