Stillme's Chapters Continue

[Reincarnated]

Wow--you had a great day, and some great news. Yay, you :0)

Its good to get away from here sometimes, isn't it?

Hope you get a good night's sleep....and many more days like today!

[Nomopo]

Does sound like a great day J. Keep up the PMA!

[shoeprincess]

great energy! Like was said above

keep up the PMA!!!

[stillme]

Gee, it's lonely back there on pg 3 . . . So, enough about y'all, let's talk about me!

Seriously, tho - Still (yay) Detached & Dim (helped by H being away again), way BUSY GALing & focusing on me.

A few noteworthy things to post tho:

Took kids to their (3rd) C session. As we drive there, I say "We're going to see Miss B. She wants to see what y'all have been thinking & feeling lately & whether your head & your stomach are the same or different. [At the end of first visit, kids giggled as C poked D's stomach & tapped S's head & said they'd been having problems [headaches, stomachaches].) You want to think about what you can talk about w/her?" D said, "I don't know" and S said, "Yeah, I don't know either." (right!) So, they spend the first 45 min. w/her alone, nd then S calls me into the office & C says they'd been talking & she coaches D to tell me what she's (D) been saying. . . D wants me to call her during the day when she's w/H so that, when it's time for bed, she's not missing me too much & can then go to sleep. (Note: C - privately - said it's important [at least to MY D] that the calls be made in the day & NOT right b/f bedtime as that would only reinforce her missing me at that time. Good note, I thought.) I had purposely NOT been calling at night for this very reason, tho it didn't prevent D from crying sometimes and (b/c, well, for obvious reasons) she didn't feel able to tell H that she missed me and/or wanted/needed to talk to me, and she had only 1 time called me crying. (Don't know
if H encouraged her to call, or S [the caretaker] did [he was hugging her when she called; H was making smoothies]. I was SO trying to not 'get in the way' of H's time w/the kids . . . And I had always told them they could call me any time if they wanted to or if they needed to. . . But they never did (and this was why the calls last wkend [GA trip] were significant. I think it's part of H's feelings but I need to think more of the kids.

So - just that morning when D was telling me about missing me & wanting to come home from GA early, I remembered a book we had read earlier in the year called The Kissing Hand where, on the first day of K, Mama Racoon places a kiss in the center of Little Racoon's hand (then folds up his fingers into a fist) and Little Racoon could open that hand & press the kiss to his cheek to feel his Mama's love any time he wanted. We had done that for K, but we did that again the other morning (2 kisses, 2 hands!) for anytime we are apart from each other.

Anyway, this just shows another instance where the kids can't/won't/don't have the words to tell me what they want/need or are feeling/thinking. . .and another reason supporting C'ing for the kids - whether my H (or your S) thinks the kids are "just fine".

Kids & C also talked about them keeping 1 special lovey or cuddly (D's pink baby blanket & S's stuffed white seal - This from a 9-yr old boy!) to take back & forth w/them when they are at H's or at 'home'.

I have an appt w/C next Wed & expect to talk in more detail about the kids then. Tho I did give her to short & sweet version of H's reaction to my 'ease the financial stress' offer. She just clicks her tongue & shakes her head, and I think: "Yeah, I know. Tell me about it!"

[ItsKat]

Hey, still.

Thanks for sharing about the kids C session. I am glad you are keeping up with that despite your H's discouragement. It is really sad how our kids are going through such turmoil, but they don't have the maturity to express exactly what it is they are going through. It must be so frustrating for them.

I read the Kissing Hand every year on the first day when I taught kindergarten. I will have to dig that one out for S4. Thanks for the reminder.

[SunnySeason]

Welp, I can always count on Stillsweetpea to start things out by making me smile.

I seriously don't know how you have time to fit your own sitch in, & address so many others, so well

I haven't gotten to the separation from the kids yet (this wkend I guess), but will keep all in mind, including the Kissing Hand.

Lot's of good ideas, you're a wonderful mom Still!

ttfn,

Sunny

[L21959]

Still --

Great post...and the info about the kids is good advice for any age. I especially like your C's advice about being in touch away from bedtime...when we get to that point, i think that's going to be big with S11.

Early on in this round, my H mentioned being willing to go to C together to talk about how to answer questions kids will likely have (this whole thing kills me even more because we've put them through this once before...) But nothing since then; S17 has recently started some C to work on food/anxiety issues,so I'm hoping he's developing a relationship with a C to work with, but I think S11 will want/need help too. Your insights really reinforce that...thank you.

I'm going to post in the next few days some things i've been doing to SHOW H what i think of him...i'll ask you to stop by when I do. in the meantime, thanks for your support!

L

[Nomopo]

it didn't prevent D from crying sometimes and (b/c, well, for obvious reasons) she didn't feel able to tell H that she missed me and/or wanted/needed to talk to me

Man, this really made me remember what our CP said about kids not being ready/able/comfortable creating space and opportunity for the kids to talk, exoress feeling and fears, etc. I really need to keep my focus on that. I don't expect my W (or most WAS) to do that, because that opens the kids up to saying, or suggests, that the kids are having problems/difficulties as a result of the S (or as my W might say, puts problems in their heads that were never there).

Kissing hand, we love that book.

Thanks for the update and info still,
Nomopo

[stillme]

Welp, I can always count on Stillsweetpea to start things out by making me smile.

Sunny, are you calling me names?

[JustDontKnow]

How about sweetme? That one seems to match too.