Tuesday afternoon, I called my attorney and he yelled at me and threatened to quit if I didn't get in to see him and get this done. I lost it with him, of course it is a matter of style with him, but I am so on edge with Sam, the move, and the D, that he set me off. Anyway he didn't quit...
Wednesday I drove 4 hours round trip to see attorney. I emailed a round of changes ahead of myself for him to review and have his sec'y type. I signed the settlement agreement, which effectively means my D is a done deal. It is inconceivable to me that H won't sign it after all this. On the 2 hour drive home I drove through blinding rain, hail and wind. What an exhausting day.
This morning I opened my work email to a memo detailing the schedule of a "dignitary" visiting with my department today. There, in nice bold print, for the whole world to see, is "Lunch with Mr. AH's husband and MS. OW". Well, seeing that in print feels like a blow to the stomach and immediately sends me into a crying jag. The sadness combined with the public display is very very hard for me to take.
I'm trying very, very hard to talk myself out of bringing it up with H, because of course I will see him tomorrow. I tried to remind myself how similar it is to days past: H is pursuing his career and pursuing a morally questionable relationship while I'm picking S up from summer school. We can tell what a person values by how he spends his time. I know how very self righteous that sounds, but it does make me feel a little better.
I still feel like I would just like to get into bed and stay there for the duration. But I won't. He**, I can't, I've got a child to raise and dogs to tend.
Speaking of dogs...Sam is recovering from his stroke. Slowly but very definitely. He is walking in a manner of speaking...he lurches around, but he is definitely ambulatory. He has an appointment to get his stitches removed Monday and then I'll get a referral to oncologists. I may not choose to pursue chemo, but I do plan to at least get informed about it.
S was gone last weekend, and will be with H this weekend for Father's DAy, so it is a good thing sam has reocvered so much. Carrying around a 70 pound dog gets old, and after about the 3rd carry in a day, I'm pretty much done with it.
Okay. I know my update is a bummer right now and I believe with my heart that this is the worst and it will start to get better. Thanks to all who read.
