Two questions: 1)had nervous breakdown- how do you answer when they know you were just outside talking w/ daddy?
2)not sure if i did right & had an "adult" converston w/ daughter6,7 &10. Told them a divorce is inevitable and I wanted them to be prepared as to not be surprised bby it and asked them if i left them to be w/ daddy full time at the house what they thought. D7 said she had as stomach ache talking about it and did not want me to leave them alone w/ daddy...sigh
Why not - mommy's just upset right now and re-direct their attention? My D is 7 and that's all I say right now. If we talk about D, she brings it up and then I tell her that sometimes it does happen but that doesn't mean that we don't both love her, etc.
....Understand, that I can't, not be what I am I'm not the milk, and Cheerios in your spoon ~ Avril Lavigne ~ ..."Nobody's Fool"...
Chicki, I think what you said to your girls is perfectly fine. If your D7 is having a hard time, there is nothing wrong with telling your H that she needs time to adjust and you would like to stay with them. Kids should also be allowed time to grieve under these circumstances. Remind your girls that eventually Dad would like to spend some time with them, but you will be there for them whenever they need you. It's ok to cry in front of your girls, you're showing them you care about your M and your H. As long as you can be strong for them as well. As parents, we need time to grieve for our loss as well. It's a balancing act to know when to allow that for our selves and when we need to be strong for our kids.
I know the pain you are feeling for your girls, it's the worst pain there is. UB
ks- i have tried that one but my girls r very persistent and will not just let it go!
unbroken,
Thanks 4 your encouragement. For a second there I thought what I did was wrong and I was beating myself up for it!! I really really needed to hear it's ok to cry infront of them b/c they are three and it's hard not to. I was being soooo strong for the longest and that was when i was doing my best to detach,but I totally lost it yesturday and it seemed as though i could not stop....
Chicki, I think there is so much negativity placed on crying in front of out kids, like it's an "out of control" emotion. I think if we don't show our kids some emotion, then all they are learning is not to show their emotions...and we all know what happens to bottled up emotions speeeewie.
Like I said, there is always a line, we don't want to cry all the time because then we are teaching our kids to just crawl in a cave when we are faced with adversity. Again, the balancing act.
The bottom line is that we need to take care of ourselves too. I have cried in front of my D10 and just said I was feeling sad at the moment, but I will be ok. She gives me a hug, says it will be ok, walks away and then allows me to grieve. She's so awesome! Above all, DON'T BEAT YOURSELF UP! It's obivous you care so much about your kids, otherwise you would not have started a thread just about them and the best way to react. Trust in yourself that you are a good mom and everything else will fall into place. UB
unbroken is so right. I wish I had seen my mom cry instead of holding it in and instructing us to the same. I think it is good to get it out and believe me, do so all of time. I know, I feel so much better for it.
Chiki, For so long I tried to shield my daughters even though they are older. Of course they knew we were separated that couldn't be helped, but I kept all of my emotions inside and it was eating me alive. I was trying to protect H, they didn't know about his infidelity, but oldest D suspected that he and his secretary were involved from day one. I finally told both of them, because they are older, but tried my best not to talk any details with them. So I guess my advice is tell them what you think they can handle for their age. But keep in mind the best gift we can give them is the freedom to love both of their parents. That is the hardest thing I had to accept, but we don't want to turn into our spouses and make this about our needs. We are responsible parents and we want what is best for our children.
Life's challenges are not supposed to paralyze you, they're supposed to help you discover who you are. -- Bernice Johnson Reagon
You shouldn't beat yourself up, sometimes I had no time or place to talk to a friend over the phone and ended up crying in front onf kids 2 or 3 times. But it is best to wait 'til they are sleep for you to have a good cry. You are their constant pillar right now, their safey net, and seeing you cry often might not be the best for them. I do understand that you had a breakdown and it happens, hope you are feeling better today. Don't mention the fact that they might stay w/their dad unless that is written in stone, they might thing you dont' want them or something.
Be not afraid...I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten Joel2
30something 2kids survivor of S, MLC, A, D I have peace in my heart, at last.
cat03, I rareley cry like I did that day. I can' remember the last time I had a breakdown,but yes I couldn't help it on this day. After H was "leading" me on all week while Ow was out of town (I set my self up for it too) & only to be smacked down again. My freind was inside the house & so were the girls. I was left in the garage while H kept going in & out picking up things & i was trying to hold it together.
Doing much better now. My H is out of the country and has made quite a few contacts (him iniating all) via IM or phone w/ me!!
speeeewie.