Oh the roller coaster...

[catfan]

KS, well her love language alternates between acts of service and words of affirmation. In the past I always seemed to screw up and speak the wrong one at the wrong time. All to often I focused on acts of service when I should have been doing words of affirmation.

Now that said, I love doing little "sweet nothings" for her. Writing her notes, poems, chocolates on the pillow etc. What would happen is she would never really acknowledge these things and I would feel very, very rejected. So I tried harder and over the last 3 years this rejection I felt ended up creating tension between us because she felt like she was in some "no win" situation. A rear classic chicken and egg thing.

So right now I am not sure exactly how to proceed in speaking her language and I actually need a little direction from her. I think she's open to it but has some reservation. Basically I believe she's looking for acts of service a bit more right now. Because we are separated I have told her, just ask I can't or won't know because of our situation. Just ask and I will be more than glad to help. Now when I am at the house I just do stuff I see needs to be done and she really appreciates it. So that is helping.

Next subject, yes I did compliment her on how nice she looked. In fact last night she was wearing workout clothes when we met. I complimented her on how fit she was looking. (Side note, she looked F-ing HOT especially with that low cut workout tanktop!)

Now on to counseling, well we had a real bad experience in January. So she's very reluctant. I did mention last week before the whole sep agreement thing that I was wondering if we needed someone to help guide us through the "be friends again" thing. I wasn't suggesting it and said that too but that I had to wonder if it might help us. She said "I'll think about it" which usually means no.

No matter what if we are going to continue the positive momentum then at some point we will need professional assistance and guidance.