NikkiB #16

[NikB]

Thanks JDK. Yeah the pool helps a ton! A/C ran almost all night too and it was still warm in here.. whew. Supposed to be even hotter today. But that's summer in Sacramento!

Meetup is kind of it and miss - sorry you don't have much to choose from in your area.

I'm feeling more composed and in charge of me - thank you!! Feeling pretty down about my M today, though. That month or so when we were both really focusing on each other - when it felt like we were both trying - was SO wonderful but bittersweet. I just keep thinking how great things could be. And feeling like I somehow blew it and didn't give him what he needed in return during that time, and that's why he's pulling away again - can he meet my needs but I am incapable of meeting his?? I feel so strongly that we can be a great and happy couple, but I'm starting to think I'm a little crazy for feeling that. Maybe he really doesn't love me, never has, and I've just been living in fairytale land for our entire R. Doesn't change my plans for now, just thoughts that cross my mind. Posting them here to get them out of my head mostly.

I don't have anything specific planned for the weekend yet, but it'll probably be mostly centered around Father's day. My bro is coming to town Saturday and leaving Sunday - so will spend some time with him and my dad at some point. I decided to take 6/29 - 7/4 off of work, just for a break, so I'm looking forward to that and will make some plans just for me then. (oddly enough, I mentioned it to H just as an "FYI," not as "hey you should take vacation with me" - and he decided to take those days off too. Strange... I will still make plans, but I just found that kind of surprising).

Looking forward to going out w/my friend tonight, should be fun!