Fly solo.....be with myself for a bit, which is true. I finally feel like I have really hit my stride again. My legs are firmly underneath me, I know who I really am and just need to start re-developing those long-term goals for myself.
That sounds wonderful and that is where I wish to head. I got a ways to go yet.
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I let it slip to the X that I was actively seeing someone. I guess that is about when I started noticing alot of these changes
That is human nature for you. They think we will never move on. Now they want what they cannot have. It is fine to say you are not seeing anyone but the trick is not to imply that you are not b/c you want to get back together with her. If you beam confidence and living life without her that will cause attraction.
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I guess in a way I am really scared to put myself in that position again with her. Am I willing to try...sure. Would I take her back....yes, but in the right situation and terms. Slow, steady and with open communication.
Excellent. I have the same concerns as you. Would I try again? Today I would say no, but that is b/c I have been hurt and there is too much water under the bridge. There are 1,000s of beautiful women out there. That is our edge and our opportunity. And our fear?
CIAZ, it sounds like she is starting to miss what she had. Your sitch is evidence it is not in our time but in God's that things get better. I'm proud of you for what appears to be a very rewarding life for yourself. I'm struggling mightily just trying ot gett hing into perspective and letting go. Funny thing about letting go I think you can always grab on again if you want to.
Sadd....it had been a long journey to get here....let me tell you. Without this board and a lot of help from above, I don't believe I would be here today!
Like they say in DB, GAL, move on, just in case. That is what I did. Rather than just become "nothing", I did something about it. Got out there, met new friends, relied on my support group, but most importantly, always kept some kind of hope. I understood and still understand what she is going through.....thanks to this board. They have been wonderful. I know that she is coming out of the tunnel after a long journey herself.
It is one of those things that is she ready, just thinks she is, am I ready, or do I think I am? Again, the final question for me is, how do you move forward when both might be ready to try again? Not sure but will keep everyone informed. Have not heard from her yet...Didn't plan on it. Plan on calling her sometime next week to really ask her out and hopefully start our path to reconciliation!
CIAZ M 7/97 S 5/05 D 8/06 Both 33 years old No kids
any updates yet? Have you talked with her or asked her out yet? Let us know!!
I think your last post is so important for all those just begining or struggling with their DBing efforts. Without changing yourself and moving on (without completely closing the door) the journey is so hard. Not to say that those things make it an easy journey or pain-free. But we have to realize that it is not up to us whether they come back or not (it is if we accept them back) and all we can hope to make better is oursleves.
No one understands better than I do, the desire for a successful reconciliation and spending the rest of our lives with the one that we want. Absolutely no body.
However, I feel that there is something inherently wrong when in the instance of a WAS, terminating a relationship, pursuing and obtaining a D, finding out that life wasn't what they thought it would be and for us, the LBS, to make it 'easy' for them to return. Something stinks in that equation and I'm not sure I can articulate it that well.
The problem seems that by us doing this, it excuses them of all responsibility and the need to do all the much needed personal growth. It's like a cushy job. There is no motivation to improve yourself to find something better, what I have is OK, it pays the bills, all I have to do is punch it at 9 and punch out at 5.
As someone that has made it easy for WAS to return and seen first hand, the consequences of unconditionally taking back a person who lives and breathes the notion that happiness comes from someone else and love is something you feel and can come and go at any time.
I'm not sure that leaving the gate open and leaving a trail of breadcrumbs to the doorstep is the right way to take back a WAS.
Maybe having been there and see it first hand is why I'd need to hear and see something positive. An apology might be a good starting point but to read between the lines, look for baby steps etc, no chance. It's a good time to play dumb, take encouragement with a grain of salt and look at the facts as you see them.
I'm not wanting to persuade you one way or another. Just trying to put some balance and perspective to the support that you're getting.
God Bless
Suit
"It's better to have no spouse than have a bad spouse"
Thanks for your response. Don't think I will welcome her back with open arms. If she wanted to come back, yes I would be willing to try again, but under rules. And if at any point, I don't feel comfy with things, I will not go on. It is my opinion, and mine alone, that when I got married, it was a committment. Something that I will always honor. I owe it to myself to try but only if she is willing to try again 100%. Not like we "tried before".
As an update.....called tonight. She seemed in a good mood. Very short conversation.
Me: Hello. Her: Hey whats up? Me: Not much, I just was calling to see if you wanted to go to dinner and see that movie on Saturday night? Her: (Laughlin) Let me think about it.....I actually just got out of the tub and am soaking wet. Me: (pause to think of something clever but thinking completely sexual while she is laughing) Well then......why don't you dry off and give me a call tomorrow. Her: That sounds great! Thanks. Sorry for not being able to chat. Me: Not your fault that I called at a bad time....alright, will talk with you tomorrow. Her: (Giggling). Sounds good.
So, bad timing is now my middle name. She sounded very very suprised that I called to ask her out but I think in a good way. We shall see.
CIAZ M 7/97 S 5/05 D 8/06 Both 33 years old No kids
Not sure that sounds real positive. Answering a simple question like that, if you're interested in the person, shouldn't require thinking or being dry. If the answer if no make sure you have a back-up plan and take it well.
In the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years. Abraham Lincoln
It is hard to fail, but it is worse never to have tried to succeed. Theodore Roosevelt
XW called me Friday night right before I was heading out to a meet up with friends. Chatted a bit and she said that she was sorry for not returning the call earlier.
At the time, she was not sure if she would be able to do something on Saturday night. "I really want to spend some time with you" as she explained that she has had about 3 days off, (including weekends) of work since Memorial Day (true thing, experienced it for years) and she was trying to meet up with a friend of hers who is moving away within about two weeks. She has cancelled plans on this gal for weeks and also the gal has done the same as she has MS.
We left the door open for Saturday night but probably was not going to happen. That was fine with me, told her to call me next week and maybe we can do it next weekend. So that is now the plan.
It really sounds as if she is wanting to do something, but I think her schedule right now is one that is just not going to allow for it. I know we have all been there before so I can completely understand. Again, not holding my breath for anything as much as just waiting to see what the next step is and allowing her to make the first move if you will.
CIAZ M 7/97 S 5/05 D 8/06 Both 33 years old No kids
Well, I think that it is such a positive that she wants to do something with you! But I think you are right not to hold your breath, allow her to move at her own pace and see what develops. You have your life and if she decides she wants to be a part of it you can decide when the time comes.
But I know how you feel! It is hard to seperate that after pretty much being the object of their anger and resentment for so long, that the little things like them wanting to talk or do something really puts you to the test.
Keep on keepin' on! Were pulling for you no matter what happens!
