Weirdness in the Hap household

[mrsc]

So what would work? What would the man like to hear/see from the woman when he first starts to make his moves? Remembering of course that she will skip a beat.

Would he like to hear: I wasn't really in a sexy mood, but you could try and change my mind.

But even that somehow is a deal that you can't easily go back on. If you still don't get in the mood it is like you are either saying "you are completely useless at getting me in the mood" or "I am completely heartless and don't want to be the mood even for your sake"

But the real meaning, from your point of view, is that you'd love to get in the mood, but you just can't.

This can be hard for a man to understand. I understand it perfectly nowadays, because "sexual side effects" of my medication has forced me to walk a mile in those shoes. I've been in the situation of wanting desperately to have wild passionate sex with a woman that I thoroughly enjoy doing it with and simply being unable to work up that certain something. And by "certain something" I mean "boner".

Yep. I've experienced those side effects too. In no way am I suggesting that there's any comparison between my inability to O and a man's ability to get an erection. But, I am saying that my repeated inability to O while on SSRIs was certainly discouraging and did nothing positive for my already low drive.

I've had a woman say "is it working?" and wonder what I could possibly say to that.

Yikes.

I've gone to bed not knowing whether I'd get in the mood when I started kissing her, and then felt the joy and relief of feeling myself very much in the mood a few minutes later.

I've had the good fortune of having this happen, but I've also had the opposite happen more times than I would have liked.

By the way, the answer to "is it working" is "we'll find out. Either way, don't worry, you're gonna be getting something good."

Great answer.

Now, of course, having walked that mile, it makes a lot more sense when it takes a while for her to get revved up, and when she doesn't quite get revved up the way that I had hoped she would. It helps me give the correct response to that situation in my mind, which is "Hmmm... that didn't quite work. Better luck next time".

Another great answer.

To be honest the easy way out for me when I'm not in the mood is to give H a bj. But sometimes he feels uncomfortable with that - like he has taken without giving and I wasn't even in the mood in the first place so to be such a taker is even worse. But it's not like that, it's worse to have someone try and arouse you when you don't really feel like it, than just to give them pleasure without having to get into that zone yourself. And the strange thing is I often feel much sexier and warmer to wards him AFTER I've given him a bj than before.

Again, I didn't get that until I was forced to experience it for myself. Not having yet been in the position of being unable to get pleasured even though I wanted to, and having it occur to me that she'd think it was because I wasn't hot for her (and, wondering if on some level she wouldn't be right, and the odd experience of not even knowing for sure with whom the problem lay), I didn't get that being pressured to enjoy it for my sake so I wouldn't feel guilty was way worse than giving me something just for my pleasure.

Interesting.