D - You sound better today; I'm glad. Those freak outs (and believe me, I have had/will have many myself!) are scary, I think. Hold on, though. The ride has to end somewhere.
Your love notes are great; I only wish I had found them - and could have "heard" them - b/f H walked out (or maybe that's the point? ). I'm not sure they work so well, though, when H is as unable to let go as me. I've been reading CoDependent No More (again), intending to find things to help myself. In the midst of it, though, it feels like I'm watching H more than me. I keep finding all of these diagnoses that could work, and all of them suggest we both have a long time to go b/f we can - if ever - refind each other. Sooo, your love notes are good reminders of what needs to be done.
I've been feeling really strong, but today feels a bit iffy. I'll try to be careful and not put myself in a position to ruin the "darkness run" I've got going.
The colonoscopy was to double check that my weight loss and GI problems were only stress related. That I'll be 45 this fall made the drs decide to go ahead more energetically, I think, since I'm close enough to the 50yr suggested age they can use what they found as a baseline. In the end, it did turn out to be only stress - or whatever, maybe too little fiber - and nothing more dangerous. Most people are sedated, and though I ended up watching some of the procedure on a screen , the sedation made me throw up. That always happens to me; so the wildly fun sensation of spacing off carries with it the knowledge that I'll pay later. Now I know that THAT's why I never really got into drugs!
Today is going to be a challenge in part b/c I don't work until later. When I have all day at home, it's a chancey thing b/c I think (AKA obsessively brood ) too much. I'm going to try to keep really busy, though, and so I won't post too much today. I find that it's days like today that when I get on these boards too long things go haywire betw H&me.
I hope your day goes well, D. You are going to be all right!! Cheers -- A
). I'm not sure they work so well, though, when H is as unable to let go as me. I've been reading CoDependent No More (again), intending to find things to help myself. In the midst of it, though, it feels like I'm watching H more than me. I keep finding all of these diagnoses that could work, and all of them suggest we both have a long time to go b/f we can - if ever - refind each other. Sooo, your love notes are good reminders of what needs to be done.
, the sedation made me throw up. 
That always happens to me; so the wildly fun sensation of spacing off carries with it the knowledge that I'll pay later. Now I know that THAT's why I never really got into drugs! 
) too much. I'm going to try to keep really busy, though, and so I won't post too much today. I find that it's days like today that when I get on these boards too long things go haywire betw H&me.
