The funny thing is once you're really no longer fused to somebody, it all seems like it should have been so simple.. I actually have thought that, more and more lately.
once you're really no longer fused to somebody, This is the key Mojo. Also add in “fused to an ideal.” I have been sort of fused, and need, and P/A, and giving it one more try, and sticking to some ethical values, and well, lots of other stuff.
One reason I keep doing it over and over again is I still need to work on me. I still don't do some of the boundary things well enough. Oh I do them but not always in a calm, collected, looked up to leadership manner.
I learned the angry, do it my way or the highway being around my stepfather. I rarely used that method. That was leadership by dictatorship.
In the business world I learned co-operation. I had that type of R with BB for a long time. I went back into semi survival mode after my back injury and when the places I worked, were also in survival mode. Survival mode wasn't a drastic form, but an expect a lot less mode.
The strange place I find myself now, is I have more than I ever expected in some areas (estimateable supply) of my life and a dwindling flow (unknown supply) in other areas.
I sense that you just love BB so much that you have no desire to leave, but keep searching for how to help her to want and desire you and sex in your R the way you want it.
I wish I had the magic potion for you, I truly do!
Me: 38 H: 35 S4, S5, S10 Bomb 01/07 Wanted D - nothing would change his mind Numerous A's prior to D bomb; EA prior/during D bomb Piecing 04/07 Deployed for a year 05/07 Still Piecing 2010 M 11 yrs 05/10
I (parents, mostly stepfathers ideas) am not bragging or complaining but I moved 28+ times before I quit school in the 10 grade. Moved to the town I am in now in 1969, built this house in 1974, went to college in 1987, did the BS program in 2.75 years, one semester in MS program, now I repair laser printers and don’t go many places.
The three little boys born in po-dunk TX who are beautiful and already are convinced they are cowboys sounds wonderful.
but I just won't ever get used to the heat!!! 90f is rather warm here but if the humidity is 8% and I am not in the sun with a slight breeze it is doable.
Yes the heat and humidity gets to me. We have a few 105f+ days in the summer. Night time, it cools off to the low/mid 60f. I like the light outside to almost 9:45 PM in the summer time. Of course, almost dark by 5 PM sucks in Dec.
The people are very different from what I'm used to as well, but that's doesn't mean it's a bad thing. I agree, different isn't always bad. Some differences require adjustments.
A lawn mower is calling my name. I have to mow my acre 2X a week. We had an unusually wet spring.
We can buy sugarless Koolaid and yes, I can make the slushies with real fruit if you would like
Wow, that apartment complex for $6,300 - unreal (however it is in ND - BTDT and no thanks)
Heywyre
M - 57 H - 65 1st A-bomb - Nov 27/02 2nd A-bomb - Dec 13/06 together 21 years *************************** Insanity is doing something over and over and expecting different results (Albert Einstein)
but keep searching for how to help her to want and desire you and sex in your R the way you want it. [b] More like; I keep searching for how to help her maintain a minimal amount of sexual connection desire to keep the M in tact. I am willing to compromise but the compromises are leading to less intimacy.
The following play a part, obligation, values, thinking it is supposed to work, me doing some things wrong, don't want to be the one to pull the plug, it's my responsibility to maintain a good portion of the M when BB wants to back off, etc.
[b] I sense that you just love BB so much that you have no desire to leave I wouldn't say I have no desire to leave by a long shot. Love, responsibility, obligation, or not wanting BB to be broken hearted. Some of each.
I certainly have seen how much leaving her affected her in between the time I gave her an engagement ring (she lived temporarily in MT and I lived in PA) and before we got married, she look like a lost sheep.
Wow, that apartment complex for $6,300 - unreal (however it is in ND - BTDT and no thanks)
What???? Too cold for ya, eh. There was a working Tatoo polor in ND for $7,000 but I mised that one. The guy made 20K just in the summer time. I can't draw that well so it wouldn't have done me much good.
I am easy to please. You come up with a place.
Then again, maybe we are both too old to live the hippie lifestyle. Maybe I better look for something up scale.
I'm pretty easy going, didn't mind the cold when I was younger but too much of a woosie now
Last time I was in ND I was about 8 months pregnant and we were right in the middle of a snow storm. My H at the time turned to go across to the other side of the road, thinking there was an actual road surface between the two lanes and ended up going about 10 feet into a ditch. I got myself out of the car, and waddled across the road to a pub (along with my 2 year old in tow) to get warm while we waited for a tow truck. Lucky for us, there was a car dealer across the street and they just managed to call someone before they closed (this was before cell phones - yes, I am dating myself). Next thing I know the police were stopping traffic for this big fat pregnant woman to get across the road - lol. H was NOT impressed - he said he was embarassed. Hello??? what about your wife doofus?
Heywyre
M - 57 H - 65 1st A-bomb - Nov 27/02 2nd A-bomb - Dec 13/06 together 21 years *************************** Insanity is doing something over and over and expecting different results (Albert Einstein)
I'm pretty easy going, didn't mind the cold when I was younger but too much of a woosie now I am getting that way too, HW. One reason the frost free days in your area interested me.
Next thing I know the police were stopping traffic for this big fat pregnant woman to get across the road - lol. H was NOT impressed - he said he was embarrassed. Hello??? What about your wife doofus? Embarrassed because the police stopped traffic so you could cross the street or embarrassed because he miss judged the road condition?
As I read your post, I would have been embarrassed because I wasn’t being more careful about taking a PG wife and kid out in weather like that.
Lucky for us, there was a car dealer across the street and they just managed to call someone before they closed (this was before cell phones - yes, I am dating myself). Glad to hear that didn’t happen next to the roadside signpost that said Next Services 65 Miles
Are you really dating yourself???? LOL. Having a cell/mobile phones is a recent event when compared to not having any TV service in a town of 50K.
I remember when they started broadcasting. The length of the broadcast day was from around noon or 3PM to about 9PM. I watched my first TV on a 10” B&W set. A neighbor was one up on everyone in the neighborhood. He bought a 14” TV magnifying glass. That was considered “Big Screen” TV in the early 50’s
Of course there was radio before TV, but that is older technology.
The community of Wil’ya, was an offshoot of a college report I had some fun writing. The actual report was in reference to Tukwila, WA, hence the name "Wil'ya."
Monday night football jokes were popular at the time and there was a small article in the paper at the time about some wives in Tukwila WA feeling lonely on Monday nights. One woman and maybe some of her friends came up with the idea of taping/pinning a calendar to the headboard or wall by the bed and place an X on the days they had sex, especially on Monday evenings.
The project grew in size till several couples in Tukwila were comparing how many X’s were on each calendar. A group of couples said they were going to fill up a calendar and have an on every day.
I was in the sr. level “Abnormal Sexuality” class at the time and printed a Tukwila Calendar for the other 10~12 students in the class.
One class topic was frequency variations. There are some islands north of Scotland that averaged 1X a month with clothing usually on. Harsh environmental conditions, not much space in housing areas, not much food to eat, and local morals.
The opposite was 2x to 3X on good days on an island in the Pacific. The morals were, if the H/W didn’t do it with each other, they were neglecting their spouse. Lots of food, warm environment, everyone took care of the kids. Sex was even OK for teens as long as the boyfriend left the hut before sun-up. Getting caught leaving the hut was the shameful part.
The professor was on the Planed Parenthood board but had a reputation for finding extreme cases/stories.
I want to start a country, island, or community and call it Will'ya. Will you love me and have sex with me and be my best friend till you or I have trouble. Then will you try what is available till we can't but still flirt with me. Not exactly Zorba the Greek, but the good old college try or fake it till you make it.
Lou, You crack me up!!!! My son had an imaginary friend named "Do It" for many years. Don't know where he came from but maybe you could have an imaginary girlfriend with the same name?
In spite of the problems in your M, I really appreciate your sense of humor in regards to it.
imaginary girlfriend with the same name? Wicked idea Jill!
A girlfriend that thinks, Do it instead of "why" or "we just did" (last month).
No players, mind you. Just a (one) keeper.
When I read some of the other forums and hear all the playing around some H do, and the W still wants him???? I wonder, really wonder.
FYI, I got the North Dakota idea from a relative. At first it was just a conversation topic. He is now going to buy one of those under $10K properties. Right now he owes lots of money and works all of the time. I guess his over spending for the last 10 years is catching up to him.
Sad part he is moving there with some little people/kids BB and I really like.
