Like you said in an earlier post, our W's do not appreciate what they have until it is gone. When they feel that you may be detaching, they somehow try to pull us back in. They want the best of both worlds.
Maybe when you get back home, detach some more. She needs to experience it in order to appreciate what she may be losing. With you always being there, with the thoughtful gifts etc, doesn't really give her an opportunity to "miss" you, or it doesn't give her the fear of losing you.
As I mentioned before from reading other peoples sitches and all the success stories, this is going to take a long time. You will have many more ups and downs before there is any closure (good or bad). The common theme is that once you truly detach (or go dark, whatever) the process seems to quicken somewhat.
And with regards to OM's, they seem to "peel off" somewhere along the line, as a scabby bandaid normally does.
Keep having fun my friend, this is your time with your kids, not W.
AndyV M38 W36 D7 M 13 years Together 17 years W wants D mid Dec 06 (ring off) W wants separation early Jan 07 (she backdated to Oct 06) EA revealed end March 07 (Nov 06 W first meeting with OM) Hallmark moment "I care for you but am no longer in love with you."
