No one understands better than I do, the desire for a successful reconciliation and spending the rest of our lives with the one that we want. Absolutely no body.
However, I feel that there is something inherently wrong when in the instance of a WAS, terminating a relationship, pursuing and obtaining a D, finding out that life wasn't what they thought it would be and for us, the LBS, to make it 'easy' for them to return. Something stinks in that equation and I'm not sure I can articulate it that well.
The problem seems that by us doing this, it excuses them of all responsibility and the need to do all the much needed personal growth. It's like a cushy job. There is no motivation to improve yourself to find something better, what I have is OK, it pays the bills, all I have to do is punch it at 9 and punch out at 5.
As someone that has made it easy for WAS to return and seen first hand, the consequences of unconditionally taking back a person who lives and breathes the notion that happiness comes from someone else and love is something you feel and can come and go at any time.
I'm not sure that leaving the gate open and leaving a trail of breadcrumbs to the doorstep is the right way to take back a WAS.
Maybe having been there and see it first hand is why I'd need to hear and see something positive. An apology might be a good starting point but to read between the lines, look for baby steps etc, no chance. It's a good time to play dumb, take encouragement with a grain of salt and look at the facts as you see them.
I'm not wanting to persuade you one way or another. Just trying to put some balance and perspective to the support that you're getting.
God Bless
Suit
"It's better to have no spouse than have a bad spouse"
