wecome to my nightmare 2

[Matilda2]

How is the male bonding going?

[Dr LOve]

Well everyone
Yesterday we traveled a little north to Fern Canyon. Long dirt road to get there. Had to cross three streams. No problem with the jeep. My son loved it. Then we hiked about 1 mile to the canyon. This was a feat for me because of my bad leg but I did it. We then hiked up the canyon a ways until we came to a stream that was too deep for me to cross because of my leg. I felt bad and told my son so. “He told me just because I have a bad leg we still do a lot of fun things together so don’t worry about it.” Gota love him. So we hiked back to the jeep. Ate sandwiches I bought at subway. Mine was a 12” his was the usual 6”. He wanted to know where his other 6” were. I told him he always gets 6” next time I’ll get a 12” for him. (My baby is growing). We then did a little off roading covered the jeep in mud. We went back to the coast. Built a bigger sand castle than before. Blew up some fire crackers I had. I let him drive the jeep this time on the beach. (I hope he does not think he’s going to be doing this when he gets home. He is only 10).
Went back to our room and played video games. I asked him if he wanted to call mom or should we wait until she calls us. He told me that “talking to her is boring, let’s wait until she calls us”. So we continued play games until about 10:30 pm when my W called. I had him answer the phone. He talked to her for a little while and then asked me if I wanted to talk to her. I told him not unless she wants to talk to me. He asked her and then gave me the phone. She was pretty talkative. We talked about what her day was like and some problems she was having at work. It’s strange. When I called before to talk to her she was really short with me and didn’t have much to say. Now I don’t call her and she wants to talk. It’s always the opposite. So does this mean if I treat her like Sh@t she will treat me nice?
I don’t know. Anyway today so far has been kind of a lazy day for us. Sitting around in our underwear playing video games. I’m doing a little reading. Oh yea I did go get us both 12” SANDWICHES for lunch. (After I put my pants on). My son told me he wishes we could do this for the rest of our lives. That reminds me. My son had a night mare again the other night. He told me it was about me and my wife dieing. How he would be all alone. He has told me about this before that is afraid of me dieing. I don’t know how he will handle a divorce. Well I got to go my son wants me to play him a game of golf on his new Wii Game I bought him.

I’ll write back soon. Sorry for not keeping up with your threads Andyv, EmtnRllrCstr, Matilda2, runningoutoftime, Yoyowife, nextsteps_4us, WAW in the OC, Concerned_Listener , lonelyolive and everyone else. It’s just that the rest of the world does not exist right now.

I’ll write back soon

Husband

[Matilda2]

It’s just that the rest of the world does not exist right now.

Husband, THAT is the perfect GALing!!! Enjoy! I am proud of you for waiting for your wife to call. I know it was hard. Did you give her another clue for her next gift???

Matilda

[Yoyowife]

Husband,
It sounds like you and your son are having the time of your life. What memories you are making, he will remember these good times the rest of his life! I'm so glad things are going well for ya'll. Have a great time, the real world will still be here when you get back.

Yoyo

[andyv]

Husband,

Good to see you guys are having a great time.

Like you said in an earlier post, our W's do not appreciate what they have until it is gone. When they feel that you may be detaching, they somehow try to pull us back in. They want the best of both worlds.

Maybe when you get back home, detach some more. She needs to experience it in order to appreciate what she may be losing. With you always being there, with the thoughtful gifts etc, doesn't really give her an opportunity to "miss" you, or it doesn't give her the fear of losing you.

As I mentioned before from reading other peoples sitches and all the success stories, this is going to take a long time. You will have many more ups and downs before there is any closure (good or bad). The common theme is that once you truly detach (or go dark, whatever) the process seems to quicken somewhat.

And with regards to OM's, they seem to "peel off" somewhere along the line, as a scabby bandaid normally does.

Keep having fun my friend, this is your time with your kids, not W.

[Dr LOve]

i'll give everyone a up date in the morning. but I need some advise. It's 11:10 pm I asked my son earlyer if he wanted to call mom. He said he had nothing to say to her let's keep playing the game and let her call us. Well like I said it's 11:30 pm she has not called yet. This is the first time in 16 years I have not talked to my W at night. She even called the night she had the affair.( the om was most likly in the room with her at the time.\I have gone dark on her since yesterday. She called last night.
Should I still give her the remainig gifts (3 left) or put them on hold also.

Husband

[nextsteps_4us]

I'd call her.

Just say 'we lost track of time, and didn't realize what time it was, S wants to say goodnight' that way you are only on the phone for a total of 10 seconds, and she doesn't think your keeping your son from calling.

From what you describe calling late is still a 180 for you. It sounds like you would normally have called her at least a few times by now in the past.

I would avoid the gift for today.

[Dr LOve]

Ok I broke down
W did not call last night. So this morning I had son call her. Last night we went to the movies saw Spiderman 3. Then came back and played games till midnight. Today we are going to the dollars store to get some more silly string to have a silly string fight at the beach. We will build another sand castle shoot off more fireworks and check out some fishing spots.
One more day then it’s back to reality. I feel like when you have to abandon your home because this big storm is coming through. Then you are returning to check out the damage. You don’t know what you will find. I don’t know how some of you lasted so long with your sitches. I want things back to “normal” sooo bad. My son and I have gotten really close this last week. His mom is going to notice the changes in him. But she will buy him something to get on his good side. I have not spoken about My W to him at all this week except when I ask if he wants to call her. My sitch is in such limbo right now. The W does not want a D she just wants to be “room mates”. This is not what I signed up for. Anyway the weekend after we get back I am going to ask her if she wants to go out to dinner and maybe a little dancing. I let her decide if I should get a baby sitter.
I’ll catch ya all later
Husband

[WAW in the OC]

Husband,

[WAW in the OC]

Husband,

Sounds like you are making memories that no gift can compete with. Like you, I am enjoying my kids while I have unlimited access to them.

Yesterday the W took my kids and ran off to her sisters for the night. She was dropping them off at school today and I met them there to say hello/goodbye. I can't really go too many days w/out seeing my kids. They are the bright spot in this darkness.

W found out I was reading her work e-mails and she thinks because I know about her A that I might do something rash. So she is looking for apartments(that she can't afford). Here in the OC to rent a 2bedroom in a nice area would run $1500-2200 a month! It's crazy expensive. And that's not a super area, just a nice area. I haven't changed my attitude to make her think I'm crazy, I went and played tennis last night after she said she knew I was reading her e-mails.

She is going dark on me! I am researching attnys to start the separation so that her bills for her and OM won't be my responsibility. I hope this alien that took my wife returns the person I married soon. She so still full of anger that she can't talk, look or even e-mail me. I will let her stew in her own anger.


Buddha said"Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who ends up getting burned". I myself have no anger, just waiting for reconciliation or independence day!