I think it still needs to be said that if you both decide the M is what you want, then the OW contact needs to be discussed.

I would hate to think that making this big statement lets him think that you are going to try to tolerate him contacting her for an unlimited time. Because it's wrong.

you know?

Or maybe state that you do not agree the contact is healthy for your M, but that you understand he is not yet fully committed to being in your M and that you are willing to wait until that time comes, or if a time comes that he feels the M is not going to work.

Me 33 H 34 S9 S3
M 6 yrs (2gether 11 yrs)
EA/PA 1/2006
DB 5/2006
H wants D 6/2006
H wants ME 8/2006
H "said" PA/EA over 8/2006
H erased OW off phone! 2/2007

"It is far better 2 choose humility & change oneself, than 2 wait in vain trying 2 chang someone else."