You don't say how many kids, what age, H age ... but we are very sorry to see you joining our survivors group.
Please understand this, the reason you are here is to survive. You may not save your M, and that is not the end of the world. Yes, it is the end of the world as you currently knew it. No, you will not die.
There are many answers to every question.
There is a script for WASpouses. It is the same script for those that just want to fool around, and for those in a somewhat state of mental or emotional illness we call mlc. We could call it anything, but we wound up with mlc. It has also been defined as the mid life mourning of the passing or loss of someone's youth. The bad part of that is usually that they were neither prepared, ready, or willing to let it go. They are driven to re-live what they believe to be a lost youth. Party on Garth!!!!!!
In many of these cases another person enters the scene and makes them feel so special it must be love. It most often is not. They won't or can't know that for months or even years. So where does that leave you? Yes, you heart still holds on, as it will even after a D.
How do you live? How do you go on? The hardest answer in the world for you to grasp is "you do it the best way you can". That may include a newfound appreciation for family you have been too busy to appreciate. It would be helped with a renewed focus on your spiritual life. Counseling could be a great support.
Something for you to read up on and try to understand is your role in this outcome. None of us had perfect M. People celebrating their 50th didn't either. But in the case of a MLCer, it is often believed very strongly by all of us that there was nothing you could have done to avoid this. It was programmed into the MLCer at youth, if you can believe that.
You did not discuss his R with his parents in his youth, or now as an adult. My guess is it was not story book. If he is MLC, he has likely suppressed a low self esteem a long time. He felt rushed into adulthood, career, big boy pants. He did not have enough play time and now he feels life is passing him by.
You don't have to say he is 50, because this is happening so much now as early as 30, that age has little to do with mlc.
You should read some publicationg on what makes an A and how long they last. Six months is a short one and two years is not unusual. There are things written to explain how this is tied to a biological chemical release and the changes it has on someone, and wear off. This chemical addiction drives an MLCer. The need to self medicate depression and guilt with alcohol, drugs, or just another person are overwhelming.
There are some good articles on this forum. Look at the postings at the top by Smurf on "MLC resources". Books include "Hope for the Separated"; "Surviving Your Husbands MLC"; and anything you can find. Knowledge is power and will provide you with much needed strength.
As for him filing D, many do. Not all go through with it. Many real MLCers run out of gas and let it lay, as long as they are allowed to play their games. They aren't in a hurry to endure the financial fallout. That does not take into account the influence an OW may be putting on your H.
I said enough for now and hope others chime in. Take extra special care of yourself, eat and sleep, love your kids, love yourself and we will too.
