It sounds to me as if OM is pulling out all the stops, probably playing major emotional games with MrsChoc, and she is allowing herself to be drug along. It would have been nice to hear what she and OM were talking about in the car and at his house wouldn't it? I could be really wrong, but I'll bet it was a lot of desperate "I love you"'s and "we are right for each other" and him reminding her of all the good times they have had together. Unfortunately, she still has a lot of chemicals running through her that his words are resonating with.
The good thing about that scenario though is that at some point her mind will hit on the comparison. Desperate shrimp who lives with his parents versus alpha male who is strongly fighting for his family. I'm willing to bet that she will make the right choice. The only question is, will you be willing to "take her back" at this point. I think many others have had to deal with similar situations and have been able to piece it back together. No one here would fault you if you didn't want her back, but I do think, even now, even with all that has happened, that there could be a chance for you two.
But, of course, you're the boss
Chrome
"Recollect me darlin, raise me to your lips, two undernourished egos, four rotating hips"
I think you've pegged their convos about right, I really do.
And no, I don't want her back. I realize that I've been in love with the woman I WANTED HER TO BE, and not really the woman she IS, if that makes any sense. I've been in love with the "image," and have been trying, largely unsuccessfully, for most of the past 22 years to mold her into something thru my charm, my words, and my efforts.
She is who she is, and I don't think I'm in love with that person, even the pre-affair version.
More thoughts later, and MANY THANKS TO ALL for your comments and encouragement. I'm simply slammed with to-do's today.
WOW, is all I can say. You are bad A$$! I'm sorry that she's doing what she's doing, but I'm so glad that you are having the strength to deal with it the way you are. I truly think she's going to end up groveling at your feet, but hopefully it won't be too late.
Thanks, but I think it's too late, I really do. But the "bad-a$$" thing might help me in my future relationships! I've lost 21 pounds, added muscle, took some of the gray out of my hair and grew a nice new goatee thru this. I'm lookin' good!!
I'm so sorry you are having to go through this...but just so ya know. Your WW is following the infidelity script to a "T", as I'm sure NOP's has informed you. She's in the fog...and has been gaslighting you for some time, now she's going to start blameshifting and rewriting your marital history (if she hasn't already).
GEL,
NOP's ability to predict what's going to happen, before it does, and then prepare me for it has been nothing short of an emotional godsend for me. It has helped me get to a place in my mind ahead of time, to prepare for the worst, and then defend my heart against it.
Hard to explain, but it's saved my emotional health, it really has. And yes, ALL of this has followed a script down to the letter.
Great admonitions -- thanks. At your encouragement, I went and met with the area Manager (over all of the branch managers) for my credit union today, whom I know, and explained my situation. He set me up with a brand-new account, changed my password on the old, existing one (which we will still use for groceries, gas, needs for the boys), and set up my direct-deposit for tomorrow morning (which is quite large) to go to the new account. When he found out it couldn't be "caught" in time, he made a note in his Outlook to do it for me MANUALLY tomorrow, as soon as it hits.
Wife will only have access to grocery and gas money, and she'll find this out tomorrow.
Oh, the thought of that movie still creeps me out.
Choc, if H changes his mind . . . no not going there, but I'm so glad that when this is all said & done, whether you are w/ W or not, YOU ARE GOING TO STILL BE AWESOME and happy with yourself which is the important thing and, if things don't work out, you will be able to find a new R which will also be wonderful w/ the new & improved Choc.
The other thing that you will have is your self-respect and the knowledge that YOU did the right thing.
Me: 38 H: 35 S4, S5, S10 Bomb 01/07 Wanted D - nothing would change his mind Numerous A's prior to D bomb; EA prior/during D bomb Piecing 04/07 Deployed for a year 05/07 Still Piecing 2010 M 11 yrs 05/10
I am so sorry to hear this, it really seemed like you were getting somewhere with her. Just goes to show she really is stubborn. Stubborness is a trait I have suffered with myself in the past it makes you want to do ANYTHING to prove the other person isn't right. No matter what krap you bring on yourself in the process. So I would be careful of being too outright oppositional with her. My dad is a stubborn old bugger too, and the only way with him is to come alongside - so to speak - and gently nudge him round in the direction you want him to go.
Maybe it's too late for all that.
Yeah, Fran, unfortunately it probably is. But I do appreciate your note. It has kind've gnawed at the back of my brain, tho, that she may be pulling a "Saddam" here, and acting like she has WMDs, everything thinks she has WMDs, she doesn't deny having WMDs, and she's willing to go to war over WMDs that she doesn't even have.
In other words, she's had a lighter PA than it appears -- and specifically, did more groping in the CAR portion of yesterday's escapades than she did at that house, where who's to say that the kid's mother wasn't actually at home? . . . (bear with me here -- WILD CONSPIRACY THEORY FOLLOWS).... but is willing to let everything think what they want to think, in order to blow up the marriage???
Could it be???
I'm not saying she wasn't in an EA -- she clearly was.
I'm not saying she didn't have a PA -- she at least did kissing, groping and probably oral in the car one of those times.
I'm saying, what if she cut that mostly out 2 weeks ago, and then was in the process of trying to "manage" it for the remainder (which we all know doesn't work), while she "cake-ate" and took me for a ride, and then when I called her on it, is willing to let people think what they want to think in order to get out of her unhappy (to her) marriage, so she can go chase young guys and have her little mid-life crisis???
Yeah, didn't think so either. Just noodlin' out loud.
