I'm going with the flow of what she wants to do. No pressure on her. I think she wants to talk about other things, if she does - GREAT, if not - that's OK too, I'm just happy to see her...
We can talk ourselves into defeat or we can talk ourselves into victory - we are creatures of our thinking.
3/31/07 - Hit with a brick, leaving the dent there...
LOLOLOLOLOLOL - A cut off one so she can see my newly revealed 6-pack? Can I get a trucker hat too???
Originally Posted By: catfan
Hmm, not sure this is a good idea, especially given your pastor is involved.
But I would say don't get too gussied up for her either. Be yourself, the new you.
I have been wearing nice clothes to work since the bomb (you know, look good feel good) so it's not a departure for me to look how I'll look. In fact I'm wearing the shoes I'll wear tonight right this minute at work!
The Pastor is a great guy, he is doing everthing he knows how to help the situation but he is afraid of my W like you wouldn't believe. Anyway, I'm sure he wouldn't mind postponing, it'll keep his blood pressure low for a few more days...
We can talk ourselves into defeat or we can talk ourselves into victory - we are creatures of our thinking.
3/31/07 - Hit with a brick, leaving the dent there...
He's afraid if he does something wrong she'll bolt. He's afraid of the PO. He's not comfortable with the things my W is asking him to mediate - it's really not his role. I'm happy we're doing it with him because he does care about our family.
He's not very old and our neighborhood is fairly new so I don't think he's had to deal with a lot of stuff like this. I can't think of anyone who has gone through divorce in our neighborhood...
We can talk ourselves into defeat or we can talk ourselves into victory - we are creatures of our thinking.
3/31/07 - Hit with a brick, leaving the dent there...
Well, I feel like I've battled with the Devil (NOT calling W the Devil) but we talked for 3 hours! YES, 3 hours! The debt crap was over in 10 minutes.
I felt kind of discouraged after the meeting. She said she just wanted me to sign the papers and get it over with. I said, "If you'll be happier divorced than giving our family another chance, then all I've ever wanted was for you to be happy." She didn't say anything to that. So, I kind of thought she was gone, but I was cool about it the whole 3 hours.
But the Pastor said he saw a definite glimmer of hope, that he saw her softening, and that he saw her connecting with me as we spoke. So, I'm glad he was there this time. She shared a lot of good stuff. Stuff I've come to realize over the last 2+ months - stuff I really needed to hear from her.
Apparently she asked the Pastor afterwards "How can I give him another chance?" And he said, you just can - you need to pray and get Heavenly Father involved because it won't be easy, but you can give him a chance.
The best thing for me is I now KNOW what her Love Language is, and I geared my discussion to that. It's quality time, or more specifically the dialect of Quality Conversation - we had some of that last night - she shared her feelngs, her hurt and disappointment, and I listened and tried to understand. And I told her anytime she wanted to call me we could have more, even just chit-chat. She said, "You hate talking on the phone" I said, "I will do it so we can talk and communicate the way we should have been all these years. Just try me out."
She said she'd think about it. So she went from "I just want this over and done" to I'll think about talking to you more, to telling the bishop she's basically contemplating giving me another chance.
So, I'm back in forced dark-land. I'm happy though that I know her LL, as that will help in any future conversations, if we get any. Now I just want to sleep at my desk...
We can talk ourselves into defeat or we can talk ourselves into victory - we are creatures of our thinking.
3/31/07 - Hit with a brick, leaving the dent there...
