Everyone, I've got to the point that I don't even want to discuss my situation with friends or family anymore. Most think I should seriously think about filing D, but I'm not ready. I guess I want him to do it if it's going to be done. I just come here to journal and get advice from everyone, it has been a lifesaver for me.
Yoyo,
I'd like to suggest that you read about Going Dark...it may help you. You need to be kinder to yourself now, and stop beating yourself up for other people's mistakes. You sound like a fine woman, an honorable mother. Be with your children.
Well here we are again...Our lives run so close to gether. You have to stay strong it is his lost not yours!!!!!!
HUGS for you... Don't beat your self up because you are a special person.... My H is so relaxed and Happy now after I set my foot down because he doesn't have to be the bad guy and tell everyone he wanted the D. But everyone can see what is going on. Same with your H. He will wake up some day and it will be to late.
Hand in there. I have to run to work...Lots of HUGS....Do something just for you today....
I haven't had any time to catch up on your sitch, but from your thread title, we have both been going through this for about the same time.
I am through also. I held on and tried to help my h and my marriage, but he is still involved with ow and I am not doing this anymore. They can have each other. At this point, they deserve each other.
We can all hang our heads high. We fought for what we believed in. We stood by our spouse's after they hurt us over and over. We are strong, great people and no one can take that away from us. We will find happiness again.
M:28, D finalized: 8/28/07 Current Thread
"When life gives you a hundred reasons to cry, show life that you have a thousand reasons to smile."
Thanks everyone for your support. I never wanted it to to come to this. I did everything I could to save our marriage. I have to believe that this is happening for a reason. H made his choice, obviously OW is more important to him than his family.
Life's challenges are not supposed to paralyze you, they're supposed to help you discover who you are. -- Bernice Johnson Reagon
I've been so impressed with you as a person of character. You are a devoted parent, and an asset to your community as a teacher, and volunteer. You're a great package as a W.
I can't imagine any imperfections you bring to the R, that can't be accepted or worked-thru. Your H is a wounded man who lacks the skills and maturity to be in a M at this time.
I'm sorry. I know you've been looking for some signs of hope, which never came. This is not your failure.
I understand your decision to let them file for D. I too don't want to be the one that ends the M.
CL
Last edited by Concerned_Listener; 06/15/0704:30 PM.
CL 53 W 54 M 20 yrs. 03'-09' Separation + Old Patterns + GAL 10-14' Piecing
"The Master allows things to happen. She shapes events as they come."
You have fought valiantly. Give yourself a gold-medal.
He isn't worthy of you. He's a mess. Suzy home-maker can have him. I've seen this happen once before. The guy left his wife and married someone who waited on him hand and foot. His new wife is miserable now and calls the old wife to complain about the man. In that case, good riddance. I don't mean to be glib. I know this hurts like hell right now.
Or maybe he'll come out if his fog and crawl on his knees to come back to you. Then YOU get to decide what YOU want.
Either way you win. You drop the loser, or if he decides to become a real man, you decide if you want him back.
1. Take a deep breath.
2. Remember, God loves you very much.
3. You are a great mom, a terrific teacher and a beatiful woman.
4. See a lawyer. Protect your interests, but don't choose a litigious, combatitive strategy. Mediation with a lawyer backing you up is often the best approach.
5. Don't invite him over for dinner. Don't have sex with him anymore.
6. Don't call him at all, unless it's about your girls or business/financial matters. In fact consult a lawyer about what is and is not appropriate to talk about.
7. Go dark and do the LRT.
8. Take care of yourself.
9. Be strong. He's not going to destroy you by divorcing you. Don't give him that satisfaction.
