ROOT, I will definantly keep enjoying my girls. They are both amazing. I am lucky to be their daddy. I got a chance to hangout with 5D tonight. Nothing to crazy we went to Borders and then to a store to buy me a couple of shirts. At Borders I bought her a book that she can use to keep learning to be a better reader. It is amazing watching her learn, it blows me away sometimes how quickly she can pickup and grasp something. Hopefully, my kids never get exposed to mom and dads BF/GF, but if it does happen it is nice to know that my GF is going to be awesome. Thanks for the perspective on getting served, it would have sucked if it happened in the lobby of the Sears Tower.
ROOT I have to say that you rock, your H is lucky that you are still around.
As for my W tonight it was ERC to the rescue again. Nothing to major, she somehow lost her car key while at the park with 2D. 5D and I had to drive 25 minutes to where she was at to give her my spare to her car. She is still distant but there were some glimpses of her not being so damn cold. I am not really making much of it, especially since I am going to my L tomorrow morning. She did tell me tonight that she feels that we are over our crisis. What in the world does that mean? You are divorcing me lady for no good reason, accept that you are selfish and do not have the guts to work through problems. If I dwell to much on all that is happening I could easily get myself worked up.
On another note I saw my IL's tonight for the first time in weeks. My MIL gave me a hug and said that she missed me and I also got a hug from FIL. Maybe they are realizing that I am not the bad guy who trampled on their D heart and that maybe the problem is their D. That would be wishful thinking on my part.
Uhhhh... I know how you feel about exposing the kids to boyfriends/girlfriends. Just that whole thought of how upsetting and uncomfortable that would be for my children helped me keep from even considering getting involved with anyone during my divorce. And my kids are older and have seen this happen in other families!!! But I still couldn't put them through it. If the divorce had gone through I would have had to wait a good long time... just being friends with someone and not letting them meet my kids for a long LONG time.
Wow!!! I like that you were able to help your wife out with her car keys. Being a friend she can count on without strings attached makes a good impression. Try to show a lot of PMA like you are going on with your life. Work out, lift weights, look great, new clothes, even through you're taking time out to help her if she needs, you're very busy and moving on with your life. Go out with guy friends when you can (or just go to a bookstore and make it look like you went out!!!). But at the same time be friendly, smile at her, do some unexpected things. Be busy!
Try to keep up a good relationship with the ILs. It always helps with the kids and they'll hold good thoughts and opinions of you. I don't think they think of you as the "bad guy." By always taking the "high road" and being friendly and helpful they will think well of you no matter what happens.
Hang in there buddy! You are doing good. Probably one of the most common things I've observed in divorce is bitterness. Try not to have bitterness towards your wife. Holding on to that only hurts you. It hinders healing.
There is no arriving, ever. It is all a continual becoming.
I saw my L today and retained her. It was an interesting meeting. She knows that I want to drag this out when possible and that I do not want this D. She also knows that I do not want this to get ugly, but she seems more then ready if it does. She mentioned to me that my W L is going to sh!t himself when he learns who I retained. It will be interesting to see if the information about my L being extermly aggressive gets back to my W. And how she responds to this information will be more interesting to watch. I feel good going with this L, it is nice having someone look out for my best interests. It does suck that it has gone this far. For those of you counting that is $6150 that my W and I have spent on L so far. Maybe she will come to her senses before it gets more costly. My L is also going to respond to my W provisional order that I pay for everything with her paying for her car, cellphone, clothes or any other incidently that my W needs. My L also wants me to get the cellphone records from my W OM convo and the PI video and report from the OMW. Because of this request I will have to meet the OMW for the first time. That will be an interesting meeting.
W just called and asked how my meeting with my L went and if I was going to retain her or not. I told her I did and she asked why. Because I need someone looking out for my best interests and our girls. She asked me if I was going to get ugly and fight. I told her that I did not want to get nasty, it is not healthy for you, me or our girls. I ended the call saying that her L will hear from my L.
W nolonger is in control and probably is very unhappy rightnow. Oh well... She brought this upon herself and me. I have to respond. I will not rollover and play dead. This also means that this process is going to take a lot longer then what was in her head. Does that shatter her fantasy? Probably not, but will make a big dent in it. It also means that 5D probably will go to school at the school by our house and not the other one my W had planned on. I hate that I have to go through this... I want my family intact. I do not want to see my family shattered.
I am doing my best to not be bitter around my W. I have been feeling pretty good. Sure I am lonely, but I have my girls, friends and family. They cannot replace my W in my heart but they lessen the pain that I feel.
I know its tough to go ahead with such steps. Hard on the wallet as well. But I can tell by your post that you feel more in control of the situation now. No longer waiting/hoping/praying that W will do the right thing.
OK, I can relax now. (Oh, wait, this isn't about me... )
so true, i called my wifes L and told her i wanted to just go ahead and buy her out and to call her client and let her know that. once i said it i felt i had a little control of the situation. now i can breathe, a little.....
Mike, Angry, I do feel a bit more in control of things now. I can rest knowing that I have someone looking out for me. Unfortunatly, after talking to my L and the OMW today I am now a bit down. I hate feeling this way. Your mind starts racing and you feel that you just need to know what is going on. I won't snoop. I haven't in a while and feel much better for not snooping. It is now easier to let my W go ahead and ruin her life not knowing all the details.
Unfortunately, I feel that my WAW will never comeback. I cannot control her or make decisions for her so I know it is out of my control and either way I will be fine. I'm just now in a funk thinking that tonight is a perfect date night for my W and the fact that I am spending the night at my parents house with our girls they can shack up together in my house. Who knows if this is her plans or not I cannot/should not be dwelling on it. I have softball tonight so hopefully after I hit a couple of homeruns I will be feeling better.
Don't think about what your W may or may not be doing. Enjoy your night with your girls and your parents.
And don't think that your WAW will never come back. You are assuming too much. The less you know the better. You can now let your L do all the negotiating. I wouldn't discuss anything with your W right now, re L, D or what you are doing or thinking.
You need to play your cards closer to your chest. I was guilty early on of being too honest and disclosing everything to my W. I have stopped for several weeks, and she has no idea what I am up to or what I am thinking. We still share our DD, live in the same house, look after domestics etc, but our "personal" lives are detached now.
She has not stopped calling me Andy for at least 3 weeks (normally Andrew, Andy was pre bomb). She still makes me coffee whenever she makes one for herself, offers me a snack when she feels like one etc, doing nice little things.
She is less nasty and moody (or at least trying to control it, has her days), and is slowly trying to re-push my buttons (which have no affect), to see a reaction. Good example is reneging on her looking after DD on Sat night.
As far as OM is concerned, you have to forget about it, don't worry what they may or may not be doing. It is out of your control.
I have controlled my issue regarding Sat night, I am going to keep DD with me (rather than palming her off to family, like W suggested), invite some mates over for beers and cards, then project the Xbox360 onto a wall and let DD play for a little while, then once she goes to bed, it will be "Deadrising" and "F1" till the wee hours of the morning for the boys.
The tide is slowly turning on my sitch. You can make it turn also. Just let her go, do what she needs to do with the D and anything else, don't worry about OM and start enjoying your life. Your W is so self absorbed in her own life, that she is sucking you into it as well. But you are better than that, and she will slowly realise this, possibly when it is too late, or maybe not, nothing is for certain.
AndyV M38 W36 D7 M 13 years Together 17 years W wants D mid Dec 06 (ring off) W wants separation early Jan 07 (she backdated to Oct 06) EA revealed end March 07 (Nov 06 W first meeting with OM) Hallmark moment "I care for you but am no longer in love with you."
ERC, Sending hugs your way. Enjoy your girls and go knock the he!! out of that ball tonight. Have a great time at the ballgame. Look at all the positives you do in your life, that's what Andy reminded me to do. Count the little blessings in your life. Even though it doesn't seem like it, there are several.
Yoyo
Life's challenges are not supposed to paralyze you, they're supposed to help you discover who you are. -- Bernice Johnson Reagon
ERC, Sorry it has come to this, but AndyV is right, you do not know where this will end. Just remember, 100% of those who quit do not reach their goals! SD
Me 41 W 41 Kids: S9 S7 Married 16 years Bomb dropped 2/2/07 Still living together! current thread
