Last night was some drama. What does it mean when your spouse says they are annoyed and resent all the 'perfection' they see in you right now. That 6 months ago she would have had to kick me out of bed, but now i'm super dad getting the girls ready every morning.
It means she's pissed because she made the wrong decision to do what she is doing, and doesn't understand that SHE could have participated in this 'new you' if she had actually been supportive of you.
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I did my best this time to not defend myself, actually I didn't say anything in response other than something like 'i guess i would be frustrated too if thats what I thought'. I didn't know what to say, it just felt attacked, and couldn't think of much to say.
There's nothing to defend. The best response is something like "I've taken the time to step back from my life and find clarity. Now I know who I really am and I intend to stay that person, and whether I am with you or someone else, I'll never live my life the old way because I intend to be in a relationship that is much better than those I've had in the past"
You see? Your in control now. She can come if she wants. Either way you'll be a better man.
By the way, when she replies to that with 'Well it's too late now for us!' you just say, sadly of course, that you understand that and you're sorry she can't get past her anger at you, and you hope that she finds her happiness eventually.
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She also wanted to say she feels in limbo, and if I think us being stuck together is going to change anything i'm wrong, and that its actually making it harder to imagine ever making us work.
She's TESTING you. your only good response "I understand, I'm sorry you feel that way".
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So what do you think? I don't know what to do, the perfection talk is frustrating. She is basically calling me out as being a fake and that they won't last, and that she sees them as manipulative so she won't leave. At least she is noticing, and validating that my changes are good right?
You are way on top of this my friend! She's testing you, questioning whether or not she is seeing the 'new' you or is it an act.
Have you read Deida 'the way of the superior man'? Or check out the mailing list at 'makingherhappy.com'? Both are good sources of understanding how women process emotions, and how they view men.
This is very good stuff. Now, if you simply maintain YOUR calmness, validate her feelings and don't DEBATE them it will be interesting to see her start to change.
Remember, you aren't trying to 'get her back'. You are changing yourself and she will be ATTRACTED back, unless she is totally crazy of course!
