Just going to vent here a bit. CW is using her free time to play the single gal thing an galavant around when she is alone. It is really starting to wear on me.
Me: 44 S: 17 and 7 Final-6-13-08 I once went to a psychic who told me I would soon feel cheated......
Frank-Here is the thing. Going by the cheeseless tunnel thing, when I do stuff with her and/or for her, she seems to react positively to it. Will going gray push her away? And what exactly is going gray? The thing is, I have no idea what she is doing, only suspect things.
On an unrelated note, when CW was over earlier, she asked me if I wanted to go to her cousins grad party Sat. This is a positive in a way as she doesn'e usually ask me to do stuff in this way.
Her mom called me earlier today to bring some cookies over to me. CW ca,me over to drop S6 off and was in the house when I got home. She saw the cookies and asked me where they came from. I told her and she immediately asked if I was supposed to share them with her. I said no, but if you want some go ahead. She kept on with the why did she bring them etc and she could tell I was getting frustrated.
Later she started grilling me about what else we talked about. I said, "nothing", which was true.
She left and later I called her and asked her if she could watch S6 because S15 wanted to go to Oceans 13. She said that she couldn't. I happily said OK and told her goodbye.
Frustration level is high. Patience is waning.
Me: 44 S: 17 and 7 Final-6-13-08 I once went to a psychic who told me I would soon feel cheated......
OK, now I am going to vent an addition to the above post. S6 and I were working in the garage on a project. I was pulling apart some cabinets and pulling nails as I got a pile built up. As 6 yo's are curious, he started playing with a board and stepped on a nail, driving it through his shoe and into his heel. He pulled it off and started to scream when he saw the blood. It was nothing serious, but needed a tetnus shot. I tried in vain to get ahold of CW, and of course she didn't answer either phone. I needed to find out if his tetnus was up to date, and she has that info. The urgent care didn't want to give him another if it wasn't needed because they are painful. They decided to give it because we didn't know for sure.
Nice that she feels ok committing adultery to the point that she can't be reached.
I feel like I am done DBing. She doesn't care about her family. I understand her not wanting to be around me, but this is twice in 3 days that she has been, "unavailable" when she was actually needed her.
Me: 44 S: 17 and 7 Final-6-13-08 I once went to a psychic who told me I would soon feel cheated......
MC, please excuse my bluntness, i am pressed for time here.
- You need to accept that CW, for now, IS cake eating. It is up to you to accept that. you can accept that, keep on building positive experiences with her, until the time she wakes up from her craziness, or she thinks life is actually BETTER with you. - If you think it IS not acceptable that she is unavailable, with OM or not, tell her so. in a nice way. She has a choice to act as the kids' mom, or NOT. If she wants to be responsible mom, she either needs to be reachable, or let you know when she is unavailable, or whatever arrangement you can agree on. i am guessing she will come back with statements like, "hey, you are not always available." "you are the dad, too. why don't you know what to do? why don't you know when they had the last shot?" some questions to ask yourself. If she thinks she is free to be unavailable or go whereever she wnats, that's her choice. in which case, may be you should pick up all the info so you CAN be a single dad, without her, at least for now. During my "brief" separation from h, I made sure he got his share of child caring, WITHOUT ME. If we are separated, we are, right? - I sense that she IS doing the single GAL thing. Afterall, I guess that must be very fun to do. Seriously, don't we all want to do the single thing at least a bit? so carefree. May be that's why she feel angry when she is in "single mode" and you called and pulled her back into "mom mode". Not so fun. Just like men enjoying a baseball game adn the wife comes in and asks "where's that pasta cooker we bought and show me how to use it?" Most guy would wish the wife vanished right that instance. gotta go.
M 38, H 38, two sons Met 20 years ago Married 13 years Bomb: Oct, 2006 DB: Started in Dec, 2006 H moved out for 3 weeks in Mar, 2007 H back home and piecing?
MC, Just wanted to say I'm sorry and I understand your frustration. I too have tried to reach my H before and either he didn't answer or phone was off. I too often think the same thing about being with the OP being more important than a family emergency.
I know it is so hard to stand for your marriage when something like this happens. I'm really getting to the point that I feel, why put myself through this anymore? I just don't know.
Sorry to be such a downer, but I just wanted to let you know that we all have the same feelings and not to get down on yourself. We are all human after all. Take care of yourself and your boys. You are a wonderful, loving and responsible father.
Yoyo
Life's challenges are not supposed to paralyze you, they're supposed to help you discover who you are. -- Bernice Johnson Reagon
CW called at 1020. Wanted to talk. She said that everyone is mad at her. We talked and I told her that I didn't want to know where she was and I was only mad that she was unreachable. She said that my message was that it was ok and I had it under control. She told me that she got my message at 830. Im told her that she was wrong and my message never said I had it handled.
We talked until 1115. At one point (earlly on) she told me that our M was over. We talked about this and that and she actually told me that sometimes she thinks God meant for this to happen. I asked her if she thought it could be the Devil doing this. She is confused because why would the Devil do something so good for her (getting over the eating disorder). I told her that maybe God got her over the ED and the Devil did the rest.
We talked in circles a bit, and I told her that I felt our old marriage was dead and we could come back from this and be stronger than ever. What was needed was she needed to see that we can work. I told her that an A was a symptom of the problem, not the problem.
She kept coming back to the fact that she wanted us to be friends and get along for the kids sake. Initially I told her that friends don't treat friends how she is treating me.
She cried through most of the talk. I did offer several times to come over to her place and talk in person if needed. She declined. At some points, she was almost impossible to understand.
I am not sure where this leaves me. She starts out so against us, and then backs down. She never said that she wanted to give us a chance, but she backed away.
I think some of this was precipitated by me pushing some things a little too much.
Me: 44 S: 17 and 7 Final-6-13-08 I once went to a psychic who told me I would soon feel cheated......
A strange thought came to mind. Her call to me started out with the "everyone is mad at me" and several other oh poor me statements. Maybe a positive that she called me to sob???
Me: 44 S: 17 and 7 Final-6-13-08 I once went to a psychic who told me I would soon feel cheated......
It's OK for CW to have some time to herself. Sometimes I don't pick up my mobile phone for hours when I'm out. Don't conflate that issue with the affair.
What she said on the phone doesn't really matter. She's confused.
Ourcrisis said create positive experiences. You are getting along better than 6 months ago.
Frank has a point. If you want to go gray or dark, she'll start to feel your absence, even as you interact with her over the kids.
Think about it this way: If you were divorced and interacting mainly over swapping the kids, how would you act towards her? Would you ask her on dates?
CW called at 1020. Wanted to talk. She said that everyone is mad at her.
It's all about her at this point. She acted irresponsible. Now she's being held accountable.
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We talked in circles a bit, and I told her that I felt our old marriage was dead and we could come back from this and be stronger than ever. What was needed was she needed to see that we can work. I told her that an A was a symptom of the problem, not the problem.
Well said.
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She kept coming back to the fact that she wanted us to be friends and get along for the kids sake. Initially I told her that friends don't treat friends how she is treating me.
So? You can 'get along' for sure. You can never be 'friends'. You can be 'friendly'. Ask her this: How can you be 'friends' if, at some future tie, one or the other of you gets married? How would that be fair to the new spouse? Do you think that's realistic?
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I am not sure where this leaves me. She starts out so against us, and then backs down. She never said that she wanted to give us a chance, but she backed away.
She's a wreck. You're bursting her balloon. She thought she could make a 'plan' and do what she wanted and you didn't follow her plan. You haven't been mean, or vindictive or any of the things that would make it easier for her to justify her actions. What you HAVE done though is set an expectation that she will treat you with respect, and act like a responsible parent.
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I think some of this was precipitated by me pushing some things a little too much.
And this is an issue because????
You pushed 'some things' that have to do with her being a responsible parent, and her treating you with the respect you have earned. You have NOT mistreated her in any way. You have NOT attacked her poor choices.
She's playing her games and you need to stop playing.
