Wow got bombed today when she came by the office to drop a security card off so I can pick up our daughter at camp.
I asked if she wanted me to set up our next outing since she had pushed that responsibility to me. She said no. We stepped out in the hallway for privacy. I asked her why since she had asked me to do this. Then she bombed me. Because you seem to think if we do anything we are then getting back together. I am approaching this assuming we are getting divorced. But I told you I am open to reconciliation.
That's the first time she's ever said she's taking that approach. Since late Feb she has consistently said she "isn't pursuing divorce or reconciliation". So now we are back to openly saying she is planning on it.
I guess I needed to hear this all along and it's time for me to step away and just move on with life. If she wants reconciliation then she can pursue it.
What the heck is wrong with you, catfan?
Are you so prideful that you have just GOT to be in control EVEN if it means you're driving the car off the side of the daggone mountain?
Snap out of it.
She said she is open to reconciliation so don't blow this.
Now get back up there on that horse and stop acting like this is your first rodeo.
You know what I have struggled with Amy, the idea that doing nothing is actually doing something. For me I have had it in my head that I have to be doing something, anything if we are to continue to move forward together. I kept looking at the sep agreement as a negative that was preventing us from doing positive things. I also looked at it that no matter what response I gave it would be negative. Well my response doesn't have to be negative nor does it have to be received negatively. I just have to figure out a way to validate her reasons and feelings while presenting a fair and equitable alternative. A lot easier said then done that's for certain.
After talking with y'all, a good friend here and my priest I came to realize with our situation doing nothing isn't negative. It is doing something. What my wife is really telling me in all of this is that she still needs space. We've covered a lot of ground in the last month and she needs a breather. The easiest way to give her what she wants and needs is....doing nothing! Not to say we won't discuss the agreement, we will but I don't have to feel like it's so urgent it has to be done yesterday. We have time and taking it slow and easy is just fine. Doing nothing in regards to our relationship is fine too because it's giving her exactly what she wants, space and time.
If we really want to love, we must learn how to forgive. - Mother Theresa
Yes it is a man thing, a man thing in that we look at something and say "I have to provide, protect, lead and care for my family". It's so ingrained you don't even think that sentence you just do it not realizing you are doing it.
Now an update. I contacted her this morning to see about sitting down to finalize the asset split. She's prepared a worksheet that I don't entirely understand. So we agreed to sit down tonight to go through it so we can get the monetary assets split.
During that call I apologized if she felt pressure about going out again. I said I thought she wanted me to take the lead on that but I realized this came across as pressure and I didn't want to do that. She said she had said that but was feeling pressure now. She went on to say, "I know you aren't trying to apply pressure and that you mean well. Thank you."
So a little softening with her and here we are ever so slowly trying to communicate again. Man we have so far to go to learn to communicate with each other.
If we really want to love, we must learn how to forgive. - Mother Theresa
Catfan, I think your hands-off approach will yield more benefit than your pressing efforts. Good luck, it is hard to do. I may need a valium for tonight's meeting, I'm just raring to jump my wife.
We can talk ourselves into defeat or we can talk ourselves into victory - we are creatures of our thinking.
3/31/07 - Hit with a brick, leaving the dent there...
I may need a valium for tonight's meeting, I'm just raring to jump my wife.
Dude, my wife came in last night from that big gala dinner wearing the stunning red dress that is somewhat low cut. (Side note it's a dress I helped her pick out last year.) So I got to see a good bit of those wonderful friends when she bent down to pet the dog while talking to me. At that time, I don't think she was intentionally trying to show me but she wasn't covering up and such either. Oh and yes I am certain she could tell I was looking. In fact she bent down to pet the dog again a few minutes later then did a similar bend to remove her shoes. Those two times I think she had a good idea of what she was doing.
Last edited by catfan; 06/13/0705:16 PM.
If we really want to love, we must learn how to forgive. - Mother Theresa
I just saw mine and even though she was tshirt and jeans..I would've jumped right there in the parking lot of my work had given the chance. I know guys..I know...(sigh)
H-36 W-38 Married 14yrs Together 17 2 Children (D12, S15) 9/20/05 - Seperated 4/23/07 - Dbomb dropped 4/25/07 - I Love you, not in love "If it's not hard, it's not worth fighting for."
