Naked in the Cabbage Patch

[MJontheMend]

I think I've figured out what my problem is. Like most women in our stupid-*ss society I was taught that it was wrong for me to be sexual. Unlike most women, I for the most part refused to deny, repress, hide or give up ownership of my sexuality. However, what I did do was sort of make a deal with myself/society along the lines of "Okay, I can be a freely sexual being even though that isn't a very "nice" thing for a girl to be but I will compensate for it by being MORE "nice" in other ways than most girls or by only having sex for very "nice" reasons." I'm kind of like the kid who tells himself that it's okay if he smokes pot as long as he keeps getting A's in school and volunteers at the soup kitchen. Therefore, I have the tendency to be sexual with men for whom I feel sorry. It's like the monkey has to get a permission slip from the cow. So, instead of functioning like the stereotypical girl who tries to get some assurance that her bunny will be safe before she is sexual so that she can feel secure. I worry less about my security and more about achieving a sort of moral balance for myself by having the cow do good deeds in proportion to allowing the monkey hot action. Here are some examples:

1) Have sex with a man because it is his birthday and he seems sad and lonely.

2) Have sex with a man because he talks with a stammer.

3) Have sex with a man because he is so skinny he looks like he spent time in a concentration camp. (my 2bx)

4) Have sex with a man because he is a total premature ejaculator. (Okay, probably more accurate to say "because he gave off a vibe that someone with this issue might give off")

5) Have sex with a man because he is 5"2.

The interesting thing is that I only started this trend at late adolescence, around age 20. My first several sexual partners were not boys/men for whom anyone would ever naturally have the tendency to feel sorry. They were totally wild*ss or hard*ss or player. Perhaps my early adolescent rebellious streak prevented me from having any guilt about my sexuality so I was more free to pick partners just because I found them to be sexy.