From what you are saying, it sounds like if your SO didn't set and enforce limits you would end up with problems. It's not like you would have realized "gee if I carry on this way there will be issues", right?
I also have to say... that the longer you have lived in an SSM and have let the boundaries go... the longer it may take to correct the tide... at least up front... and you cannot waffle. AN is creating a mess for himself because he is saying one thing and doing another... and allowing her half efforts get her by.
From what you are saying, it sounds like if your SO didn't set and enforce limits you would end up with problems.
Correct. And I contributed to the problem because I was equally piss poor at boundaries. In new marriages, I think, everyone wants to 'get along.' I think they think that marriage kind of takes care of itself. I think it is a common fantasy for both men and women.
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It's not like you would have realized "gee if I carry on this way there will be issues", right?
Uhm. Not the first time around in an M. Now? You bet your bippy I act like that... just to SEE how the man will act toward me... and if he doesn't call me on my crap... he's off the LTR list... because I KNOW if I act like that and he doesn't call me on my crap, there WILL be problems.
I don't have time for that anymore. I have no interest in sharing my life with someone I cannot respect. And yeah, now, I'm going to test the heck out of that.
"Allowing her half efforts to get her by" is exactly what I was trying to tell him earlier in the thread. Great & wonderful he's scheduling dance lessons, etc., but if he wants to truly *fix* their SL, he's going to have do more than that.
I hadn't ever *looked* at my SSM in the light of (like Corri was talking about), when H finally stood up and said enough is enough, this is what I want/need, I decided to take the bull by the horns and get some things done. All along, if he wasn't willing to stand up and say I have problems w/ our lack of a SL, then why are things going to change? As he didn't emphasize the lack of SL was an issue, and I had kind of gotten used to it too, why was there any reason to change things?
It all comes back to communication and stressing how very important whatever your issue(s) are to your spouse.
Me: 38 H: 35 S4, S5, S10 Bomb 01/07 Wanted D - nothing would change his mind Numerous A's prior to D bomb; EA prior/during D bomb Piecing 04/07 Deployed for a year 05/07 Still Piecing 2010 M 11 yrs 05/10
Aha! Now this makes sense. But, I really don't want have a another child, I want an adult wife that can take care of her end of the mariage without me acting as enforcer of rules. My W is very responsible most all other areas EXCEPT for this one. She is wonderful with the finances and planning, and the kids, which is all I really care about (that and getting laid on a regular basis).
My ex fit your description to a T, except she was HD. Always pushing the limits, and I just got fed up and pulled the plug. I have a problem with running other's lives, it's a Type 7 thing I guess.
If this is what it takes to get our S life in the groove, maybe that's just the way it is but it sucks ass IMO.
