Were you really being taught that MEN don't want sex, or that WOMEN don't want sex. This is where I struggle as to why women don't "GET IT". It is EVERYWHERE in the media that men basically want sex all the time. That men think about sex all the time. That women can CONTROL men with sex. The media CONSTANTLY tells us that there is not ENOUGH sex in marriage. On top of all this, when we are all dating, women USE sex to get their men. But suddenly after marriage, they actually BELIEVE that sex is not important? How on earth can this be true? It just does not add up.
That is why I asked the question about what attracts men to women. In order to save their marriages, women must know the correct anser to this, and then do something about it. Us guys are told to trust the relationship stuff to the women, but if they don't "GET IT" we are in deep trouble. And like some others have said, we can tell them until we are blue in the face, and they STILL don't "GET IT". My own wife STILL thinks it is about sex. She can not relate sex with real intimacy or emotion.
I have heard these comment a dozen times from my fiance' "It is all about the sex".... "I don't want this relationship to be all about sex"....
I believe most women use sex to lure there men into committment and then proceed to distance themselves after married. This happened to me twice!
I told my fiance' this morning that I do not want a roommate and if I wanted to live with my sister then I would mone in. I know this was sarcastic but I wanted to stress my point across. Maybe, I should me nicer? No, I don't think so! She swould view it as a weakness.
Quick question to the girls on here who were(are?) LD, but who have managed to overcome the problem: during the time that you weren't interested in sex with your Hs, were you actually QUESTIONING your relationship in any way? Or were you happy in the relationship but just not particularly bothered about sex?
I was not happy in the R when I was LD. I was in MC for 12 years off and on, so I certainly worked on ME and I worked on the M.
The constant badgering, the constant criticism, the lack of communication, and his willingness to put up with an M like ours... disgusted me.
I believe most women use sex to lure there men into committment and then proceed to distance themselves after married. This happened to me twice!
I know many men believe this to be true but MANY people base their relationships on the first six months of their relationship. "You used to be xyz"...well yeah, people behave differently in the early parts of the relationship...and then they base a life-long committment off of that period of time. They base it off of the "honeymoon" phase which is a hormone-filled "getting to know you", time of the relationship that will not be sustainable once the hormones subside...rather than waiting for a year or more to see if they are truly compatible before making a serious committment.
Now obviously I don't know how long you were involved in your prior relationships before you decided to marry...but honestly. women do not use sex to get a man...SOME may, but do not use that as a generalization.
Quick question to the girls on here who were(are?) LD, but who have managed to overcome the problem: during the time that you weren't interested in sex with your Hs, were you actually QUESTIONING your relationship in any way? Or were you happy in the relationship but just not particularly bothered about sex?
Speaking for myself, I didn't get over it until I was out of the relationship. In my previous marriage there were plenty of issues that kept me from desiring him, but one of them was the fact that I felt criticized all the time by my H, that made him severely unattractive to me. Then of course there was the fact that he was an alcoholic and the smell of tequila on his breath was enough to make me want to wretch when he'd get close to me....definitely not appealing.
GEL wrote: "....but honestly. women do not use sex to get a man...SOME may, but do not use that as a generalization."
I think that the "SOME" percentage is a lot higher than you think. I'm not woman bashing, I happen to like women, just research.
Women are told that they are better than men, "good girls", from an early age. That is reinforced by congressional elevation of women's rights above an equilibrium point of men's "rights", mostly in an effort to gain women's votes. Women are then constantly pandered to in order to maintain that disequilibrium.
The media plays heavily against men simply because females are the largest market share for most products.
Two major issues arise from this.
1 Women have a sense of entitlement that is not reality based. 2 Men who marry are likely to lose far more than half of their assets in a divorce, and have to continue to pay for many years. "No fault" divorce is stacked very heavily in favor of the woman. She can cheat, spend all of their assets, have kids, etc, and he will end up paying for a house that he doesn't occupy. An other man will be playing "dad" to his kids that he will only get to see on weekends.
Paternal fraud is a very real issue and is estimated by some studies to have an occurrence rate exceeding 28%.
Lastly, men simply don't understand the REAL nature of a woman, especially her sexual side. I grew up with an immensely entitled princess. I got to see how well that worked from a young age.
Men do, of course have their issues, and everyone thinks that they know what they are, after all, we have commercials telling us on a daily basis what losers and dumb asses men are....
No offense, GEL, just a sticky point for me.
-NOPkins-
I will ferret out an affair at any opportunity.
-An affair is the embodiment of entitlement, fueled by resentment and lack of respect. -An infidel will remain unreachable so long as their sense of entitlement exceeds their ability to reason.
Quick question to the girls on here who were(are?) LD, but who have managed to overcome the problem: during the time that you weren't interested in sex with your Hs, were you actually QUESTIONING your relationship in any way? Or were you happy in the relationship but just not particularly bothered about sex?
AC
I'd like to know the answer to this one as well...
I knew my wife for 2 years before marriage, and her real LD did not kick in until the first son was born 2 years after that. So the so called honeymoon phase can last for several years. Also, when people come out of the honeymoon phase, not everyone experiences a decline. It's like when we are all 10's on a sex scale of 1-10 when we are in the honeymoon phase, but after we leave this phase, most men stay up around 8-9's, while many women drop to 1-2's. So in many cases, the honeymoon phase effects only 1 person in the marriage, and not both.
Are you saying that the fact that he tolerated your LD actions made you disgusted?
Yeah. To a degree. His method of dealing with it was to constantly compalain and criticize, which only made me angry, resentful, and created more distance. He viewed it as my problem to fix. Which caused even more resentment (especially when there were plenty of other things going sour in our R).
I can tell you, based on the experience I had with him, and subsequent experience that I've had with other men (given that I still have a propensity toward LDness)... that no b.s., but firm and loving stance Choc is taking (provided he is willing apply it to ALL areas of his R), would have brought me around in no time flat.
I say this because... the boundary is clear, it communicates clearly that this is an adult situation, and it gives me room as an adult to make choices. I'm not dealing with some petulant man with his lip dragging the floor 'cuz he's not getting laid.
The boundary establishes the respect he has for himself, the respect he expects from his partner, and the respect he has for his M. (This isn't limited to the male; a female can do the same, i.e., GEL, MO, Honeypot)
Without those, he becomes a doormat. A cow WILL wander through an open gate and step on the doormat, not because she doesn't respect the fence, but because the gate IS open. Why would a farmer ever blame his cow for wandering from the field if he is the one who always leaves the gate open?
Not that women are cows. People stay in Rs for a variety of reasons, ignoring their respect issues, probably far longer than they ever should.
But another person can only disrespect you as much as you are willing to disrespect yourself. You obviously have not reached your limit, 'cuz I guarantee you, you KNOW when you do.
