I had a talk with her this morning. I was a little rough and blunt.
I told her that I was not happy with that part of our life and I could tell that she was not completely involved and not participating. I said "I want someone to desire me as much as I desire them".
She said "Thing are getting better."
We both agreed to evalaute us before summer is out. I suspect it will come much sooner than that.
She is trying but it is not enough. Here is an example.
Last night while getting ready for bed she was undressing. I simply was admiring her body from 20 foot away (I probably had a funny looking grin on my face) and her comment was "Oh no, get that thought out of your head..I am tired...she laughed".
That was a perfectly normal comment from her in a normal-loving relationship but in ours it upset me but I did not show it. I was not going to put the move on her. I was admiring her body. The point is... that she NEVER is interested in me or intiated anything with me in 8+ months. She is open to having sex when I pressure her. Oh boy.... what do you call this kind os sex? sex-so-you-want-dump-me .... pity-sex ..... get-used-to-this-kind-of-sex-foreever.... lets-have-sex-while-I-sleep
Her idea of getting better is: Having sex while she lays there and closes her eyes. I want to point out that her past sex life with others was varied and exciting and that was by her account. Of course she told me this while our sex life was in it's infancy. (first 6 months)
I know that a lot of people on this forum are experiencing far worse problems than I. I hate whinning so much but it sure makes me feel better about this situatin.
I deserve better than what I have been getting! I would like honesty from her... Will she ever desire me.... etc...
I don't think she will come around. She misled me from the start.
I was not going to put the move on her. I was admiring her body. The point is... that she NEVER is interested in me or intiated anything with me in 8+ months. She is open to having sex when I pressure her.
Ok, this is how she IS...this is NOT going to change. Why do I say this? Because you have made things quite clear to her that you need her to initiate, you need her to step up sexually....and this is her TRYING.
AN, it HONESTLY does not make sense that you are waiting until the end of the summer to "re-evaluate" your relationship again. All that is doing is postponing things and in many ways giving her false hope that her behavior is sufficient. Why do this to either of you?
I can wait a month or so. There may be a chance for her to go back to the way she used to be.
I am not giving her false hope! She knows exactly what the deal is. She told me this morning and a few times this month "I know what you want me to be (sexually speaking) and I have gotten over my resentment and things are getting better."
I told her that 'Her resentment' was bullSh@t and please explain further. She said "I lost my trust for you". She was referring to the times I told her to Leave due to this issue.
My response was "I wanted to be honest with you and I still do." I told her "I deserve better and it is time for you to decide what you want because I have!".
Don't worry about offending me, you didn't...and it's harder to do than that. As I said...we can ALL give you our opinions about your situation, many of us can see it more clearly than you can...because you are entrenched in it. In the end though, YOU are the one who has to live it...whether you continue to try, wait and re-evaluate, or end things and move on. "I" simply do not see a woman who is REALLY doing what it takes to fix the way she does things on a permanent basis. I see someone doing what she needs to "for now".
She has a lot of good qualities and it would be a shame to throw away a relationship if we were so close to making it work. There has been improvement.
I am a computer guy and numbers person. I give her a 25% change of changing herself. She admitted today that it was up to her to change but then in another statement projects another reason to me.
She does understand that I will pull the trigger soon. This is good.
Let me ask you this then....what would it take for you to be "sure"? What could possibly happen within the next couple of weeks that could make you convinced staying with her is the right thing to do? I ask that because it's highly unlikely (less than 25% chance) that any permanent changes could be made in that time, including the time you've already gone through in the previous weeks. Permanent change requires MONTHS or YEARS of reinforced behaviors, not weeks.
Honestly, just curious...not being antagonistic here.
