I don't know but I have always been shy and somewhat insecure. My insecurities grew from the time I was a teenager until well after my 1st H left me. After a very ugly D from my first H, I finally found my strength and self-confidence and then I found my current H. I thought most of my insecurities were behind me...and then WHAMO! I think I am beginning to find my strength again and not a moment too soon.
Originally Posted By: runningoutoftime
And it's EXTREMELY typical of very attractive women to measure their self-worth on men. Unfortunately, that senario ususally leads to unhealthy relationships...
I did exactly this until my first M ended. I thought I married my current H for the right reasons...love, friendship, family, etc., I didn't need him to complete me. I was strong and independent and I knew I was just fine without a man. I am getting there again. I think it has just taking me some time because I was blindsided.
In the last few days, I have had friends and family tell me things that make me wonder if there is any hope left to hold on to. People are speculating whether or not my H is having an A. A friend told me that she has never trusted my H because she thought he wasn't honest with her about talking to/emailing a mutual acquaintance (I knew he was friends with her and have never thought her to be threat but now I'm not sure of anything anymore). And then last week, my H told me about a case he might be taking and the more I think about it, the more I am questioning his ethics...something I always had admired him for. I really wish I had a crystal ball to see if the man I once knew will ever return. I am beginning to think no.
I am sorry my post isn't very optimistic. It has been 5 days since I have had any contact with my H. I don't see him making any effort to even work on our friendship and at this point, I'm not sure I even care. And then Yesterday, I got hit on by a guy I used to date before I met my H. Anyway, this guy is currently living with his girlfriend...ewww! My S has been giving me grief since he is all of a sudden so grown up and knows everything. He doesn't like how weak I have been since my H left.
I am numb about everything going on my H, but when I see him,I just want him to put his arms around me and tell me everything will be okay. It is like when I am away from him, I mourn and grieve and start to accept my loss but when I see him, I see them man I used to know not the man he is now. I know everything will be okay and I don't need him to tell me that, but I want the person who used to really love me to suddenly appear. I will go to my H's office tomorrow showing a PMA, looking good, but feeling dead inside. I will do this for me, to make me stronger, not for him.
