Ouch. Yeah, so the OW doesn't like you. Your husband painted a bad picture and she's trying to resuce him. It's typical.
My wife and my best friend got together one evening and my wife shared how dry her marriage felt. I assume he would have ran to me and said, "Dude, there's a red-alert. Your marriage is in trouble." Instead he listened, empathized and fell in love with her. Emotional affair, then physical affair. Typical bullsh%t.
Of course when my wife told me she was considering leaving me, she never told me about the EA with my best friend. So I went to him to cry my heart out and ask for his advice. He was distant, cool and spent most of the conversation empathizing with my wife's point of view, telling me how neglectful I had been of her needs. We had several conversations like this and I felt something was wrong. Why wasn't my best friend rallying to my side and helping me save my marriage? When my wife explained about their "mutual attraction" it all made sense. Someone has to be demonized, and it's usually the betrayed spouse(s). Unless they believe in open marriages, most people need reasons to justify their infidelity. The reason is usually their awful, unloving, critical, spouse. When this started, my best friend told me his wife didn't meet any of his emotional needs in the last 3 years. Ohhhh......So THAT's why he's f*cking my wife. Oh I see. Well, that's a good reason.
Please...where do I puke?
Honey, they don't just manipulate and scheme. They will lie to their spouses, friends and relatives. They will do just about anything to get what they want and keep from being discovered.
Look sweetie...no more Mr. Theoden nice guy.
Your husband is out of the house, sleeping with his secretary. She's clearly trying to steal him from you. And he likes having the attention of two women.
Don't you think it's time you stopped inviting him over for dinner and sleeping with him? He does not respect you. He's drunk on the power trip of having two women fight over him.
Do you want to rebuild your marriage on the premise that you are always available for him, have no personal boundaries and that it's OK for him to sleep with another women while he sleeps with you? Good luck with that. If you don't demand respect, he won't give it to you.
What does getting a life mean to you?
Doing things/shopping with you daughters is good, but it seems like more of the same old, same old.
How about you take a trip by yourself? A pilgrimage of sorts.
Spend 3 days in a monastary.
Take an adventure/hiking-climbing trip.
Find yourself.
Take a martial arts class that allows you let our aggression and build up personal power.
Volunteer at a homeless shelter.
Go on a missions trip.
Spend a week building a house for Habitat for Humanity.
Treat yourself to a spa for a day.
You every breath right now is caught up in your husband's affair. You are being defined by his actions.
Start asking the existential questions: What do YOU want? Who are you?
A friend once challenged me and said, "Theoden, I'm really tired of hearing about what your wife is doing and how it's putting you into a tailspin. Talk to me about your call to adventure. Right now, you are acting like you are a footnote to your wife's story. Start acting like she is a footnote to YOUR story. If things work out, you will become equal partners in a shared story." That's some of the best advice I got.
