Thanks Penny and Yoyo. I know I need to distance myself so I can be more objective!!!! I have seen or talked to H every day. He tells me I'm still his best friend and we'll always be friends. One night he sounded so sad and depressed though a text message that he had me worried. We sent tm back and forth and I was trying to cheer him up. He sounded worse so I tried calling, but he wouldn't answer. He finally called me several hours later. Found out he had been out drinking. Next day he sounded fine. Later I told him I was mad at myself that I still cared and worried about him. He sounded upset that none of his family and friends were supporting him. So, it hurt to realize that he wasn't really sad about his decision.....just sad that he wasn't supported. He still hasn't told his mother. I think she knows.....she is fishing for information from others. I probably need to go see her since he won't. I know she will be disappointed.
I also have to guard against being passive aggressive toward him. I don't want to be mean spirited, but sometimes I just want him to know that he has really hurt me. For example, for our anniversary tradition we always had eggs benedict for breakfast. I sent him a message that morning saying I had found a new "non anniversary" breakfast: egg mcmuffin. He texted back and asked if I was trying to make him laugh or cry. I then responded that I wanted to make him laugh, although my first intent wasn't so noble. (I want to keep on the high road, but it's difficult at times).
Thanks for the support! It's so healthy to be able to vent here. I am trying hard not to say mean things about H to my friends and family. I have no idea why I am protecting H's image. I am just plain crazy I guess.
