Oh Penny, I'm so sorry, I hurt so bad for you. Don't beat yourself up. I too let my H have his cake and eat it too. He was sleeping with both of us. I knew it, but I too wondered is she knew. My H told me he hasn't been happy for a long time too, that it was him not me. What a standard explanation, huh? But of course they say that then they proceed to tell you all of your faults. It so sad when we feel we let our kids down, but we are not superwomen all of the time, just 90% of the time. Our kids are so used to us being there for them, I can tell that you are wonderful mother. I bet he didn't expect his dad to come. They rely on us because they know we most often will do everything in our power to be there for them, but in this case you certainly had justification. I'm sure he was disappointed, but he will think about and know that you would have been there if you could. Hang in there, I'll say a prayer for you tonight.
You are right they all will wake up one day and see that this grass is not greener on the other side and what they have destroyed.
Hugs, Yoyo
Life's challenges are not supposed to paralyze you, they're supposed to help you discover who you are. -- Bernice Johnson Reagon
How are you? I haen't seen where you have started a new thread. It is a horrible feeling. I think today was more relaxed for me knowing I had put my foot down and said no more. That he was using me and I wasn't going to stand for it. He has called me all day long some I took and some I didn't. It made me feel a little better because I had always thought I should do something over this last one instead of trying to get him to come back. He knows I am serious when I decide something I will go thru and stand strong. Not that we can really file anything till fall but I have put up the stop sign and he is feeling alittle different. He said he is really screwed up and is working on him self. I have 2 super sil's that are so nice. ONe is his sister boy was she furious at him I would hate to be OW around this sil or even the other one. They both know her and what she is like. Well guys your are super and hope things are going better for you. I haven't told my boys yet they are gone. They have before told me why are staying mom. I always told them to hold my family to gether. I think I gave it my best shot. If he decides to come back sometime maybe or I guess we will figure it out. I finallly quit blaming it all on myself. I have to be strong and move a head for me and the boys. Thanks again....
Penny, I see one positive, at least your H admits he is screwed up. The only thing my H has ever said was I guess it was my fault I should have talked to you more, but other than that he doesn't admit he has any faults. So maybe your H will see the OW for what she really is. My advice is don't point out any more negatives about the OW, somehow she will turn it back around on you. Let him discover things on his own. Go semi-dark on him and see what he does. Things seem to be a little better for you than me. I know that sounds odd, but he does seem to have some remorse, mine doesn't.
I identify with your sons asking you why you stay with him. My oldest D too has at times told me to quit putting up with him. I didn't deserve to be treated like that. She was really mad at him, but never really let him know it. As a matter of fact an old boyfriend from high school started calling me and checking on me. He called one time and she answered. I explained who he was because I didn't have anything to hide. She said why don't you go for him Mom? I said number one I'm married and number two I'm not interested. Now she seems to be on better terms with her dad. Youngest D doesn't say anything about her dad good or bad. She just doesn't have a lot to do with him, unless she needs something. She relies a lot on me. She used to be real independent and didn't share feelings a lot. I guess the one thing that has come out of this she opens up to me a lot more now.
Life's challenges are not supposed to paralyze you, they're supposed to help you discover who you are. -- Bernice Johnson Reagon
He has apoligized and said it was mostly him then he will say it was all him that I had tried to make things work and he is a fool for not making it work. But can he get rid of her????????
I know he is trying to get me to let my guard down. That I will still do things for him..But I am only going to do this if it benefits me and the boys...I told him she will be lucky now that he knows what he did wrong with me she will never have to see that guy that I lived with for years....
I just have to keep a little distance and see what happens.
Thanks guys I am pretty tire so I'm going to go to sleep.....Have a good night.
Penny, You are right do only things that benefit you and the boys. H has made his bed let him lie in it. I think at this point in order to work things out with you he will have to apologize and show you remorse. I'm still not sure that won't happen with your H. Something just tells me he might wake up.
Hugs, Yoyo
Life's challenges are not supposed to paralyze you, they're supposed to help you discover who you are. -- Bernice Johnson Reagon
I have not read your entire thread,but I it was really starting to sink in to me just how really confused my H is this past weekend when we had a heart to heart (w/ time constriction). He reinterated how he has made a mess of things & it was up to him to fix it,but he was so confused right now. My H has soften up a little bit more now. It is true what they say time & patience is the key!!!
Oh, my sweet Penny... How are you doing? I haven't been on the board for a while - have been in the middle of a whirlwind myself trying to sort through a lot of things. I finally logged on again tonight and read your developments. My heart is on the one hand breaking so much for you right now and on the other hand just wanting to console you and hope that this is going to move you in the right direction, whatever "right" means for you. It will be interesting to see how he reacts to your change of heart... I'm thinking about you, Penny. Hang in there, and know how much we call care about you.
2940, It is good to hear from you. And that things are going better. At least baby steps. Keep your head and stay strong.
It is really strange his reaction. Its like a cloud is lifted off his shoulders and he wants to be best friends and supportive but I know he doesn't want to reconcile. He still calls about 4 or more times a day to see how things are going. It is very hard knowing that he is completely done and has some one new but still cares enough to call. No wonder my mind was on such a roller coaster. It does feel better to make a decision one way or another Whether it is right or wrong and its a long time till fall when we will make the split. Thank you so much for the support and for caring...You take care toooo
I read on an email the other day and I am tempted to put it on my phone. It said
Sorry I missed your call. Thanks for caring enough for calling. I am making some changes in my life right now and if I don't return your call you know you were one of the changes....
Thanks YOYO We all need to look out for our kids and ourselves right now. H'S are not thinking at all clearly or for anyone else but them selves. Deep gaining baby steps Chicki....Patience is the key....
What you think, well its late Just wanted to tell you THank you.
