Nikki-- Please consider talking to the doc and/or taking the Xanax. Having anxiety attacks is not helping you at all, and may be freaking H out. I am taking a stab here in the dark, but since he is home and has tried to commmit to working on the marriage, can you ask him what he might need from you right now, rather than mindreading? Does he think he needs some space, or MC, or focusing on having some fun together? Maybe even reading or listening to one of the books you found helpful on rebuilding? Dave is right--running on empty sucks, and I can see how much we want to start working together in partnership. But your H may not (probably doesn't) know how to do this yet.
And he feels like he "gave up on himself." You seem unsure of what he means by this--can you ask him? Did he have expectations of himself that he didn't meet? Can you ask him what he thinks might be getting in the way at this point?
If he says he just needs space or time to think, I know you know what to do.
I am so sorry that this has been so hard for you, especially when we were all so excited for you, and envious. It does build up expectations, and the work has really only now begun on your Marriage. And, while you did so much work on yourself, it doesn't sound like your H finished his, yet, which will make this a longer road, too. You are strong and will get through this no matter what. It is a wait-and-see if your H is as strong.
