From reading the posts of others I share lots in common. If anyone is contemplating infidelity, DON"T DO IT..I speak, unfortunately, as one who knows.
Married 18 years, 2 boys 12 yrs old. Love my family dearly. We were separated 10 years ago for about a year. Then it was me, I walked out with the intent of divorce due to being too immature to realize the difference between something just needing work and something unsalvagable. While away I had an affair. I volunteered this info to my wife. After a year and lots of counseling I returned home out of love for my, then 2 yr old, boys. In time I grew to love my wife again, though we still had our issues.
Advance 10 years. In april of this year I had an affair which started on the net. Got caught, separated (her request) and now she is wanting divorce.
I am genuinely remorseful, attending counseling, and trying to work it out. She has a great deal of -- understandably--anger but we are civil. I have the kids regularly, though they reside with her. I go to the house regularly to help with chorse and keep the place up, etc.
We can point fingers and accuse, but in a nutshell, the relationship grew apart because I didn't get what I expected and, in turn, withheld the emotional support she desired, which in turn shut her down to give me what I desired...vicious circle. Got to the point I began to mentally wander...met someone who showered me with praise and adoration and attention...next thing I knew I was hooked and had to meet this person.
Unfortunately I think I've broken the camel's back this time. I hate it, I am miserable, I'm dying inside. I do not want to divorce, I want another chance to apply all that I've learned. I would do anything to reconcile. I've been reading lots of books on investing in communication and marriage and have seen lots of changes in the way I view things. In some ways it's like when you were a kid, got new tennis shoes and were dying to try them out but it was raining outside....I want so badly to unleash all my love onto her and care and all, but that is, for now, not to be.
I suppose if nothing else, I've grown as a man, and if there is a divorce I'll know how to make it work the next time around.
