The more difficult part for me is once the sex happens and it is good, other feelings of atachment start to grow.
Well, frequently that is the case but sometimes not. You can have relationships in which the sex is great but the bond just isn't there for the same reason that all the lame sex but strong bond relationships exist on this BB. The desire to care for or be cared for by somebody isn't necessarily linked to the desire to f*ck somebody's brains out. In fact, I think much of what Schnarch has to say has to do with dealing with the conflicts that arise when the two are linked. In some ways it is easier to be sexual when you are secure in a relationship but in other ways it is easier to be sexual when you aren't secure. Just about everybody has variants on the "stranger in the elevator" fantasy. What if you knew that you were going to be with a woman just for one night and then never see her again? Can you see how the fact that you couldn't possibly form a pair-bond might make the sex hotter, less inhibited?
Last edited by MJontheMend; 06/11/0710:55 PM.
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
What if you knew that you were going to be with a woman just for one night and then never see her again? Can you see how the fact that you couldn't possibly form a pair-bond might make the sex hotter, less inhibited?
I can see that happening easy.
The FWB thing is more inclined to start the caring feelings in many people. But I haven't hung around people like you or your sister and only have my one partner model to base anything on IRL. The academic models you talk about are easy to imagine happening. I act conventional/prudish/one woman-one man, but I can imagine it happening as you describe, just have to strip away lots of religious type moral values.
It's strange in a way, me talking about religious values when I ask some people at church, when I say to them "you do all this praying, then die and discover there is no God, then what?
Guess I am like Chrom, why ignore scientific evidence in some cases and not require it in other cases..
Can you see how the fact that you couldn't possibly form a pair-bond might make the sex hotter, less inhibited? What do I do If I knock her up? You know me, Mr responsability?
Lou, if you are only willing to date women over 50 the likelihood of that happening is pretty slim. Actually in this case, I was imagining I was more your age, not dating you, but someone like you. Getting snipped is one solution to one potential problem.
Earlier, I posted some requirements I would have “if” I dated. One of them was the gal would preferably be over 55. IRL, I am a long way from the dating world.
Foot loses and fancy free sounds like a charmed life, but I know things happen and I was always a low risk, high responsibility type of guy.
Truth be known, not only PG, child care/support potential, and STD (biological issues) were always a primary concern of mine.
I have a bit of a problem with the appearance of how low of a concern these issues seem to be for some people.
Actually in this case, I was imagining I was more your age, not dating you, but someone like you. Getting snipped is one solution to one potential problem.
Well, I had my tubes tied so I don't have to worry about that. One of the guys I e-flirted with a lot was 53 and stated in his profile that he definitely wanted to have another kid but also that he wanted to date women between 40 and 52. My un-stated thought was "I hope you have $20,000 put away for IVF because even if the body stays hot those eggs get old."
Quote:
Truth be known, not only PG, child care/support potential, and STD (biological issues) were always a primary concern of mine.
I have a bit of a problem with the appearance of how low of a concern these issues seem to be for some people.
Well, if you become single someday, I think you should definitely look at some actuarial tables and weigh the likelihood of catching a deadly STD from a semi-sexually promiscuous woman over 55 in your socio-economic group vs. the likelihood of dying from something else before you manage to get some decent action. As the Red Hot Chili Peppers say "Give it away, Give it away, Give it away now."
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
One of the guys I e-flirted with a lot was 53 and stated in his profile that he definitely wanted to have another kid but also that he wanted to date women between 40 and 52. My un-stated thought was "I hope you have $20,000 put away for IVF because even if the body stays hot those eggs get old."
guess what? its gonna take a whole lot more than that. the 20 grand will cover the cost of the donor eggs, cuz at 42, they're already old. then on top of that, it'll likely take multiple attempts, @20grand apiece before it works...if ever. pet peave of those that have been through it: the stuff they put on tv leaves a very bad (inaccurate) impression on the general public. IVF is not a cure for old age, which is what they strongly imply w/ these older women having babies. They never say that the eggs came from a younger woman. never. don't know why...anyway, last I heard (and there undoubtedly newer info out there by now...but this is just in the last few years) there hadn't ever been a successful ivf w/ anything older than 43 (with the woman's own eggs).
guess what? its gonna take a whole lot more than that. the 20 grand will cover the cost of the donor eggs, cuz at 42, they're already old.
I believe it. My sister who is 32 offered to give my sister 40 who had cancer and wants kids some eggs which could be implanted in either my womb or that of our 38 year old sister. I said "Just give me a couple years to get my ya-yas out and it's all yours." but she is leaning towards doing the Angelina Jolie thing now.
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
In another 10 years, they'll probably be able to reliably freeze eggs. the technology isnt' quite there yet...although some are starting to "sell" it, the odds of success are still pretty low. (actually, they can "freeze" them just fine; the problem is thawing them out.).
I was thinking that they'll probably be able to clone humans pretty soon. Don't they just take the DNA from a non-egg cell and put it in an empty egg? It seems to me that if you could do that then you could mix up the DNA with some sperm DNA and then an older woman could have her own genetic child and just borrow an egg shell, not a whole egg. OTOH, maybe in 20 years there'll be a whole trend of women over 40 giving birth to their own clones. Pretty soon there will be no men left at all and BB's like this will be archaic relics of the past.
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
My sister has a truly evil sense of humor. She is throwing a dinner party for her BF for his 50th birthday. She has invited 2 other couples, a 30 something year old man who her BF thinks is a virgin and me. Don't worry kiddos. I'm not even tempted.
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
