My H and I have been separated for 8 months now. We tried to reconcile a few months ago, and I guess he changed his mind because I haven't seen him in over a month.
Today I got a text message from him that said "Why is life with you and without you so hard?" I wrote this reply...I haven't sent it yet because I would love some feedback. Thanks
Letter to H:
Why is life with me and without me hard? You bet I have asked that same question myself. Although, I never knew what made it hard for you to be with me. I know I wasn’t perfect, but I also thought I was trying to do things to make us both happy. As hard as it was sometimes, the only thing that kept me going was the faith that I had that you still loved me somewhere deep down inside. And as much as I knew I couldn’t fix you or be the source of your happiness, I tried like hell.
Why is life without me hard? I believe it’s because you are a loving man deep down inside and you have a place in your heart for me. I believe you still love me, D1, and D2.
For me it was hard either way and I knew that. I chose which life I wanted (no matter how hard it would be) because I knew what rewards I wanted to reap in the end. Though, my rewards, or which I thought were mine to have (family life, growing old together, you as my husband raising our children together) proved time and time again to not be mine to have. This was the risk I took, and well worth it.
The bottom line is that no matter what you choose, it will be hard. Life is hard…I know it’s a cliché, but it is true. You just have to chose which one is worth the rewards in the end. Your life is yours and yours alone and only you can find your true happiness. And if you are lucky enough to find it H, no matter how hard it can get sometimes, and no matter what it is, fight for it with everything you believe in, because that is the ONE thing we are all trying to find.
I don’t know if we’re meant to be together…but whatever happens, I just want you to know that no matter how long I live, until the day I die, you will always have a place in my heart.
