It's been a while since I posted here, work is slow so I am catching up on the major developments in the various board members stories. Something jumped out reading through the threads; there seems to be a large number of people who either had or who's spouses had an EA. Is this a consequence of the SSM, or the other way around? It's more than an academic question, since the answer directly drives how I address my situation. Is it:
A. Spouse is basically an unreliable hobag/cocksman and will get bored and drift no matter what? B. SSM occurs from normal marital inertia and creates a situation conducive to the EA?
If it's A, then it's a difficult if not impossible task to stay together, but B is probably workable to some degree. But, is it worth the trouble? It seems like most cases here attempting to remedy the SSM have resulted in a lot of relationship friction and in some cases divorce. Is a mild/moderate but chronic SSM a guaranteed marriage killer? That's my big question.
I can sublimate my drive indefinitely, it's a lot easier than coercing my W but I always wonder if it's a really bad idea. Some on the board seem to be very dependent on S, and are highly motivated to force the issue with their SO but I am not into doing this. I value my independence highly and do not want to ask anyone for anything, especially S.
