Simmer down Cac4. I never saw a woman on the MLC forum get that defensive, be that selfish, or see any situatins that bad.
it wasn't the mlc board. different place entirely. take my word for it. they exist.
Originally Posted By: DIY
This feeling like your wants are not being met is a male and a female thing.
absolutely. I didn't mean to imply otherwise. Its just that in the particular example of this particular message board, it happened to be 99% women. and they DID know; they did "understand", because they would repeat the words back. and then dismiss them. then their friends would join in and cheer...(you know, they call that "support". {rolling eyes}). anyway...wasn't always like that, but a "clique" of this mindset kinda took over the place...pushed anyone out who wasn't like-minded.
The stories here prove that it isn't a guy thing or a gal thing; its an LD/HD thing.
to wit: ...I then reminded her of my 'LIST OF ONE', and asked her how I was supposed to interpret her TOTAL LACK OF EFFORT at meeting it, despite my having told her clearly a dozen times in 20 years, including "letting you see my intense, deep pain on this very bed 5 years ago." "How am I supposed to interpret that, Mrs. Choc., OTHER than assuming you don't want to be married anymore?" She got VERY quiet, listened to everything I was saying (this went on a good 20 minutes, just on this one subject), and then finally said quietly "I didn't think you wanted me anymore."
and another recent rant from a new member: ...And still, knowing I have reached this point and how unhappy I am he still won’t do anything about it. I asked him to read the book and he finally did read it. He told me he understood and would try to work on it, we had sex once and I prayed this was the answer I was looking for. That was 6 weeks ago and it has not been mentioned since. I tried to bring it up but now he’s really busy with work and says I’m bothering him when he’s already stressed.
from the same post: Obviously I feel very hurt, confused and neglected about our lack of intimacy but he made up for it in other ways so I saw it as a temporary thing that we would get past. When I did bring it up he would get really defensive and it would start an argument so I tried to ignore it and hoped it would get better.[/b]
obvious to her; to him...not so much? ________________________________________________________________
Ok, so I never said a word that anyone could possibly understand on this subject in the first 18 years of our relationship.
But if you look at my profile, it says I joined here at the begining of '04. I found out about this site after reading the SSM book. Shortly thereafter, I gave the book to W to read. was MWD also so sarcastic in her delivery, that it took 3 years to sink in? I don't think so. this is the key: there is some "missing link" that is preventing this message from getting through, no matter who says what to whom, or how they say it. If you can figure that out, you'd win the nobel prize for marriage counseling.
