Just read your post actually I think you are me LOL. I feel exactly the same way. Your whole marriage runs pretty much along the way mine did. My lack of knowledge re sex being more important than housework etc etc. Really similar stories in many ways except me H never gave me the speech. Actually I realise now I pretty much gave him it only in reverse as in ...Husbands name.. I know you love me and but are not in love with me... and lots more. He said I had got it all wrong and in some ways I had. He had been having an A for 2 years and had been trying to end it for most of that time but the OW was behaving almost like a stalker calling him at work 30 times a day begging him to see her and eventually he gave in.
Now he had been really withdrawn emotionally from me no affection for the whole 2 years and when I tried to initiate sex it was like ML to a stone. So I stopped trying switched of and withdrew myself. Even after the A ended I didn't reconnect and neither did he. He eventually slept with his friends wife her H told me and I figured out he'd been lying about previous girl so phoned her and she confirmed the A but did say to be fair it was her that had done all the chasing.
We did a little MC and our SL was brilliant for a few years. Gradually dwindled because I did feel as though it was always me doing all the initiating. Plus my H had some real hang ups aboutML when our by then teenage sons were around.
FF 15 yrs and my H has had an EA/PA again not sure which because he has ED problems. Now to get to the point of your post I feel exactly the same way as you. I send him romantic texts and get sweet F A back. I say love you or I love you and it is always Me too. I've turned it into an in joke between us and when he does say it first I always tease him and say you said it first and he says no you did bit flirty. It really hurts that you need them to prove that they really do love YOU and aren't just staying because of the children or finances. It is as if they just don't see that the romantic fantasy love they had with someone else is what you would like too.
I actually do believe that my H really loves me very much and yours probably loves you too. I think whoever said it is the same thing as ourselves we didn't realise how they felt about lack of sex and they don't realise how much we need that extra effort from them to show us they really love us.
I probably wouldn't push for too much while your H is overseas. Maybe when you visit in September you could explain how much it would mean to you if he sent you a romantic email. Have to say I asked my H how come he didn't reply to a loving text I'd sent and I would like him to send me one. His answer was if you ask it takes away the whole point. I said guess I'll be waiting a long time as you never seem to get that desire. Now while it was said light heartedly and H and I both laughed. It was a real problem for me as I'm sure my H was sending OW loving texts.
I did say next day your right it does take something away if you have to ask but next time I send a loving text I'll be putting a footnote that says no reply necessary so that he gets the message loud and clear that it does matter to me LOL
Try not to be too resentful at the end of the day he wasn't getting his needs or desires met for some time so you kind of owe him the extra effort for a while even though he shouldn't have cheated and should have talked to you.
I did explain to my H that I needed him to kiss me first and I got resentful that it always seemed to me making any effort and I needed him to be the one to kiss me first and he now does this. Sometimes I do still feel its me making the first move but the ED problem has made me more tolerant. As long as he responds I'll keep making the moves LOL
Hope this makes you feel you're not alone feeling this way and it is something you should deal with eventually but is early days and he is away from home so give it time.
