Don't have a lot of time right now, but I did want to say that I have come to realize that a lot of the resentment I felt that contributed to my LD state was because I did not know how to set or enforce boundaries, and this dates way back to the beginning our our R, pre-marriage.
In addition, I've come to better understand my own personality type and cac's as well and that has helped. One of my LD issues has been that cac is a smoker -- I have a very acute sense of smell, so this has always been a problem for me. But, of course, I married him knowing full well that he was a smoker.
There are a lot of things that I didn't address with him because I was afraid of confrontations (still have a hard time with that, but getting better), so I just tried to ignore them. But of course that doesn't work.
Then there were the completely different communication styles and needs. I wanted heart-to-hearts; he is uncomfortable expressing his feelings. The more I pushed for him to talk to me, the more he tried to avoid me.
Finally, as I got into my 40s, I started examining my life and my marriage. I decided I wanted to make some changes. I had read 5LLs and SSM so I had an idea now what cac was going through. Then I lurked on a couple of his boards and read his unadulterated posts. That was how I finally, truly understood. Things lined up (having a long-awaited child, becoming a SAHM, which I wanted) and I was in a good position to step out of my comfort zone and start making some changes.
