They're waiting around for us to show them we're ready to give them what they want and need
This is very unlikely to be the case.
They've already decided you can't do it.
That's why they're gone.
Now show them different.
OK, let me rephrase, I stated that like it's conscious. It's not. If they were 100% gone, they'd be 100% gone and we wouldn't be in here, we'd be in the divorced forum. In the subconscious, they want us to prove to them we can give them what they want/need. That's why these DBing skills and techniques work - because there is still that innate desire within our spouses to have us treat them (and ourselves, we can't be wusses) right.
So, they can be brought back with the right behaviors on our part, and it has to be REAL, can't be faked, they can spot that a mile away. And then all it takes is ONE slip and we're done. However, if it's real and we've truly changed, we can screw up and apologize and they know we're actually, truly trying - that's a big deal. It has to be who we are now, not who we're trying to convince our S that we are. You confirmed that for me Amy, so stop contradicting me
We can talk ourselves into defeat or we can talk ourselves into victory - we are creatures of our thinking.
3/31/07 - Hit with a brick, leaving the dent there...
