I guess I'm just afraid to almost say ANYTHING to him about what I *need* emotionally from him in light of the D bomb, etc
I think that is going to lead to you to just feeling worse. You need to tell him your Needs as well. Maybe this is not the best timing with him deployed, but at some point, you have to stop living in fear of him saying the D word again. All of your efforts ARE going to seem a little overboard considering he is not giving back a similar effort. You can only maintain this level of effort for so long before the resentment builds in you. Seems like it already has. So maybe back off a little like you stated. Act loving but don't do anything that you don't feel like doing. Basically, be true to how you feel and who you are, don't do anything out of fear. That tends to rarely work long term. LFL
