Please Help Me

[RedHeadWife]

I think most of you know my sitch and I kind of feel like maybe you guys feel like I'm being whiny a bit and don't really have it "that bad." And I know I truly don't in a lot of ways.

My question is this though: I still feel as if I am putting all the effort into our R. Making him feel special, loved, etc. while deployed. I am not whining or complaining ABOUT ANYTHING.

I'm just wondering if maybe I could send an email or something along the lines of (short version): I love you, I miss you, every once in awhile an email w/ some depth would be nice, how are you feeling about US? after all that we have been through, I'm still having a hard time w/ my emotions at time when I think of all we've been through.

I haven't said anything to him since he left about anything that transpired since the D bomb, etc. I haven't asked anything as far as if he's still talking to anyone -- I haven't shown any sort of insecurity, etc. Should I just keep it this way? I actually feel as if I'm getting to the point of "I really don't need you, you big dummy" -- now that I've HAD to be on my own, I realize I really could do it if I had to. I know it would "feel" differently if we were actually separated and he was here in town, etc., etc., but I would be able to remind myself that I am a lot stronger than I thought.

I just don't feel like I'm getting any sort of support from him. I asked him this morning "how are you doing" in a way that meant "really, how are you doing" b/c he's made mention numerous times that he's already "done" w/ the newness over there and is so ready to come home. But did he reciprocate the question after he bitched & moaned? Of course not.

I guess I'm just trying to figure out if I should just leave things alone, go see him in September and see how things are w/ us or if I should reach out to him or if that would just be a bad thing w/ it being long distance.

I know this may sound like small potatoes to what some of you are going through, but I really have been and am still going through a lot -- numerous A's, D bomb, 3 little boys and I busted my A$$ to keep my H and my M intact and I think I did a damn good job, but I still feel so alone and like now I don't have any emotional support, etc.