cac and I talked about this last night (after I posted) and we agreed that the BIGGEST problem in many sitches like ours is differences in/poor communication. Many of us simply don't know how to communicate effectively with our spouses!
I agree that a sit-down face-to-face convo would have been very effective for me. As I said to cac last night, "do you honestly believe that I would have blown you off if I truly understood your pain?" He said no.
I've said this before -- reading his posts here was painful for me. I felt hurt by what he said, or to be more accurate, HOW he said it. I felt defensive. I still struggle with the fact that all that he said sat out here for the world to read and I wasn't able to defend myself. BUT, it got through. I remember a friend advising me to start writing to cac instead of trying to talk to him. I don't believe that my face-to-face talking was any more effective for him than his method was for me. If I hadn't stumbled on this board, we would not be where we are today.
I, too, came to realize what I was missing. I came to believe that I was truly a sexual being who wanted to have a satisfying sex life. I think the timing was just right for me to have this awakening. Everything was aligned. My attitude IS different now and my marriage IS improving because of that.
