OM/PA, MLC and the hits keep coming............

[WAW in the OC]

Andyv,

thanks for the uplifting pep talk. I am awestruck by your will power in the midst of your personal trials. I have moments when I can't take it anymore and just break down in my room.

You are correct in focusing on raising your DD and keeping yourself in great shape. I have been doing the same but when I stay idle I focus on the A and OM and the things they've done. When I play tennis, fish, jog and exercise I can't think of her.

I too have a great family, great kids, a good job and my excellent health. I just feel like she is having all the fun w/ OM and I wouldn't dare get another woman(even though I really want sex)to satisfy me because it's wrong while I'm married.

Anyway, in 6 months I'll know if I'm single or still married. At least this hell won't drag on for years! and that's a good thing!

I just need to get your attitude and block out the bad, let in the good. Grasshopper is learning to focus on good not bad.

[andyv]

Hey Saddadinkc,

Sorry bud, when I say "Footy" I mean football, Rugby League. I bought tickets to a game being played on Wed night, only game of the year. It is NSW v Queensland (state v state).

Usually a lot of biffo (violence) and it is sold out (80,000). I am going with some work mates and my W's best friend (she asked to come).

[andyv]

Husband,

Don't forget to spray some on the sides (toilet bowl), you are allowed to now you boys are away from the missus

We are very fanatical about our sport. It is also great escapism from my current sitch.

When you crack open the Bacardi Gold and coke, don't forget to "Toast" us hommies on the board.

Have a great time Husband

[andyv]

Hi Yoyowife,

Thanks for swinging by.

You really do have so much to be thankful for. Things could be so much worse. When I finally realised this, that is when I decided to detach and let go 100%.

Mind you I still have my moments when I do get angry (mainly all the lies and inconsideration), but what am I angry for? It won't change anything.

So I just ignore those moments and let them pass. And with each day, those "angry moments" become less severe and pass quicker.

I have also projected my future with or without W, and either way I will be happy. Like I said, whatever happens to us (whether we get back with our S or not), it will always be a positive outcome.

[andyv]

WAW,

Keep trying buddy, it will get easier.

And the GALing is a big help. I have been surrounding myself with family and friends (people that love me and enjoy my company), and I am doing all the things I would never be allowed if I was still in a R with my W.

The more I do for myself and DD the less time I have to think about anything else.

WAW, So what if she is having more fun with OM. The euphoria will fizzle. And you don't know how good the relationship is with OM, you are just guessing at the moment. Maybe it is not as fun as you think.

Maybe your W might secretly be having second thoughts about it, or thinks about the things you two used to do when she is with OM. Maybe she is too scared to admit to her mistake, you just don't know.

All I know is the history has to count for something. We may have made mistakes to get us into this sitch, but time will always heal these wounds.

[Astimegoeson]

Hey Andyv,

Sounds like your doing good. History does count and your D7 will always be that bond no matter what W is doing in her life.

The question will surly come in time for you as it did for me..... Do I necessarily want that bond to go beyond admiration or caring for S well being?

In other words, you'll be asking yourself if you would ever want to be romantic with her again.

Most short timers and fewer old timers on here would scoff at that notion, but you will be faced with it if your situation goes on for any length of time.

[andyv]

ATGB,

At the moment, I just don't know. A few weeks back I gave her a "get out" clause on her MLC contract. I told her that I can forgive and forget, regardless of what has happened (she looked at me in suprise and said "Yeah, sure!").

But I don't know whether I will be able to follow through on that offer.

Like you said, the longer this sitch runs, the more emotionally detached I am getting. Who knows.

Things have calmed down over the last week. She has been nicer to me and is calling me Andy (not Andrew) nearly all of the time. She has not snapped for a few days.

If she does decide to come back, I will know then whether I can forgive and forget. I have learnt alot about myself during this ordeal, and I know that I have mellowed out and improved on many aspects of my personality that have festered in our M (I was never like that early on in our M).

Time will tell.

[NeedSomePatience]

Andy (and the others who have posted on this sitch), I want to thank you guys. You don't know me, but just reading your sitch has helped me immensely. to see that other waw are behaving like mine, and when I am going to backslide (or have backslid), it is refreshing to hear you guys tell each other not to, to let it go. since most of our sitches are similar, it sounds like the comments are pointed toward all of us. It doesn't even matter that people aren't responding to my particular sitch, because we are all on the same boat, and you guys are helping people you don't even know you're helping.

thanks,
Pacheco

[WAW in the OC]

Welcome Pacheco,

I know this isn't a place you want to really be a part of but there is plenty of help and some great advice. My wife told me recently that she wants our divorce finalized by Jan 1st, 2008. At first I thought this was a bad thing.

Then I realized I won't have to live in this hell for much longer. Either she'll come back to me or I'll be celebrating my Independence day on December 31st! It was actually a relief to know that either way, I'll be happier than I am now.

Keep a PMA and keep using GAL. It helped me get through the toughest time in my life and everyone I meet that saw me a month ago noticed that I am in much better spirits. I feel better and I'm in the best shape of my life. Best of luck. We are all rooting for marriage to work through this.

[WAW in the OC]

Andyv,

I kind of do know what she is doing. She does seem to be having fun but I have detached. Thanks to you I now really don't care what she does. By Jan 1st I will probably be a free man or deciding if I want to take my wife back while she grovels.

I do absolutely love being with my kids though. I am seeing minor signs like the wife able to stay in the room I'm in. She's even eating some of the food I make! Today she didn't even open the e-mails OM sent her yesterday. She might be coming to her senses but that is hoping for a lot.

I spoke w/ BIL(her bro) and he agrees she is not in a good place. He knows she is wrong doing what she's doing and that I'm a good husband/father. He even admitted she treated me quite badly lately. I guess this is a sign that things happen for a reason.
GAL has helped a lot though. I don't care what she does anymore as long as she's a good mom and takes care of the kids when she has them.

History may still count for something. And I promised myself that I would learn from it, and not repeat my same mistakes. I won't ever take her for granted if she does come back to me.