Thanks for the comments j, lots went on over her last 5 day visit which ended today, her and the kids flew out today, I'm supposed to drive to pick up the kids at the end of the month.
ML-wise, she ought to be satisfied since it is exactly how she wants it and nothing else. I think it is just out of guilt or to appese me or pity. Sex is what set off the bomb, I finally called her out and said I need passion from her and she was totally unaffectionate and it was a take or leave it and hurry up and get it over with attitude from her. I said I felt like my sex life was over at 38. That night she came to my bed, shoved my head between her legs and said if I have to have sex then I'm getting what I want and suddenly it was 2-3 times a day, but a very ridge set of rules about here is she wants, how she wants it and that is it, with some minor tightening of the rules to keep me frustrated no doubt. That tapered to an avg of once a day over her visits to once during a visit and seemingly more under duress and where she'd kiss a little, it was zero.
My wife added a few new comments over the weekend during our all out everything and the kitchen sink R talks. She told me she isn't physically attracted to me and hasn't been for a long time, "didn't I notice that she wasn't jumping into bed with me." Also she doesn't "want to spread her legs for anyone" and it "done with me and done with men." She told me she is starting her "year of patience" which in her religion means, seperating, no sex and trying to reconcile for a year, if that doesn't work then she'll be given a divorce by her religion. I asked her what reconciling she is going to do and she said that she want me to leave her alone and "she is going to pray." She is done with counselors and bailed (again) during her visit after saying she'd go to MC.
OM-wise, she seems to have a lot of signs, even seems like during the initial bomb and a couple times since that she wanted me to accuse her of it, but I resisted going there. Somewhat because I think falsely accusing her would be a huge problem and somewhat because I'm not sure I could handle if she has been unfaithful. She has been by only sex partner and physical intimacy is very meaningful to be, I've always thought in the back of my head that if she was ever unfaithful that "I'd be done." After all of this crap and reading everything I can and learning about my unconditional love for her, now I'm uncertain either way about what my feelings are/would be about her being unfaithful. I found a txt msg to a male coworker that I suspect of being an OM and confronted her on it, she didn't act guilty, didn't even seem very upset that I'd snooped on her phone, but I was livid and completely done at that point, went so far as to make a list of how I wanted to split things up. Luckily I didn't tell her I was done or about my list, but I have no snooping desire after that, I don't want to know, maybe I just hope if there is an OM that I'm strong enough to handle it by the time it comes out. She has told me many times that she wants to "date other men" and I did ask her if she was doing that at one point and she sheepishly looked down and said "I want to clean up this mess first" and another time she said that she was pushing so hard for a divorce so that she could date other men, meaning she needed a divorce to do so. Doesn't mean she hasn't been dating, screwing, who knows what, she has every opportunity to do anything she wants and her morals and values seem so mixed up that it seems like anything goes at this point. She made a comment once about "feeling like this is her last hurrah and she needs to go sow her wild oats..." plus had mentioned more than once how many women her brother has slept with and remained married almost like it was a justification of something...
I'm actually doing great, feel better than pre-bomb amazingly enough. If you have the desire to read the longest post in history just look at my thread for all the details.
How is your summer going? Any date for starting your job and the move and what not? I'm sure the $ part of your new job boosts yourself esteem by validating that you can take care of yourself, your kids if it comes to that, plus in your husband's terms and priorities it makes you able to "measure up" maybe or something along one or some of those lines. I know my wife seems to love to tell me that she has always made more money than her (even tho' I beat her one year by a couple bucks) and when we initially moved to this new town she was going to quit her job "when I made more money than her" and obviously it is all my fault that I've never been successful enough to buy her way home, right? I can't afford to buy her love and shouldn't have to, 'eh... Seems like workaholics measure everyone by "what they do" and "how much it pays" instead of what is really important.
